script for telling kids, and WHEN?!
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script for telling kids, and WHEN?!
| Sat, 01-12-2008 - 11:57am |
so, my h and I have decided to divorce. I have wanted it for years, he finally came to the realization that all the therapy in the world was not going to fix us. I have retained an atty but we are going to try mediation. We have an appt with mediator for next week. H wants to start telling everyone right away, I don't want to tell people till the kids know (they are 4 and 6). He will most likely continue to live in the house. Should we tell them now, wait till after we start the process, wait till one of us is ready to move out? And what exactly do you say to the kids? I know to be together, to be calm, to listen to their feelings, give them opportunities to ask their own questions. I've read the books, but have found no "scripts" to work from. HELP!

My kids were four and six when we told them!
READ READ READ: The Truth about Kids (or maybe it is Children) and Divorce and How to help your children cope with divorce, are my two top pics.
YES, script what you are going to say. Make sure you are in agreement and do it TOGETHER.
WAIT to tell the children until 2-3 weeks before dad (or mom) moves out. They are too young to learn about it earlier; it will cause tremendous anxiety. But, you do want to give them that 2 or 3 weeks so they can still be with both of you and have time for questions and time to visit Dad's place, etc.
My kids and I helped dad pack, honestly, because they wanted to take care of Dad.
They worry about the parent leaving, so you have to find ways to reassure them that that parent will be ok. So, visiting the new place and seeing where they will sleep when the visit, etc. is important. You should know what your tentative custody schedule will be so they know when they will see the other parent and where (his place; yours ...). No blaming ... lots of loving towards them ... we are still a family ... this is a grown-up decision between mom and dad and we think it is best for all of us ... you did nothing to cause it ...
There's lots more, but if you read those two books you will gain a lot of information. Also, order up some books on divorce for children (Dinasaur's divorce, etc). There is a good program for children as young as four of five, called Rainbows. My girls cling to it. Also, DivorceCare has a version for kids.
M
I agree with you nymava.