Battle-wounded and war-weary

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Battle-wounded and war-weary
3
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 7:11am

Hello.


I'm new to this forum, but I'd like to ask a quick question to see if anyone else feels this way and if you can offer any advice.


I'm in my forties and alone at the moment. Looking back, I seem to have made a series of bad judgements with men. Each one has broken my heart, or bank balance, or both.


I don't want to be alone but with each failed relationship I get more nervous about starting a new one. With each man I think "he really knows me" but I end up disappointed and back to square one.


Does anyone else feel like this? Have you felt like this and found a way to beat it? Sometimes I think I am my own worse enemy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2008
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 7:35am
hi, I just signed up.. yeah sounds like maybe you have your goals set to high or something.. or maybe you simply haven't found the right guy. At least your giving it the old college try.. Don't beat up on yourself. don't be stupid and try to figure who's wrong.. It just didn't work out.. get closure by looking at it like anything esle.. you tried and failed.. this time.. watch out,, the right guy may be around the corner with some flowers in his hand.. ;)I am heading for a separation or divorce myself. Simply to stop all the violent arguments. Hey somebody is going to hurt or arrested. I have tried all the conseling therapy, etc. We are getting older and I have had enough of this.. . Been married about 6 years now..hey I am 47 and maybe want some kids. shes 58 so that option gone as well.
matt
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 8:37am

Sweet,


Hi. I'm glad you found us here at SD&S.


You know the saying, "If I only knew then what I know now?" Well, here we are! :-) Put that to good use at this point in your life and you'll make better choices.


For starters, divorce and/or separation can make us feel very rejected. That's because it is rejection! Yuck! No one wants to say, "I'm not loved or wanted." We work very hard to avoid being in that situation. Sometimes, we want to avoid rejection so badly we run headlong into the very next relationship because it hurts so much to be solo.


So here's my advice. Take this time to breathe and get to know yourself as an individual. Take this time to discover who YOU are. Who is Sweet? Is she quirky? Goofy? Smart? Silly? Adventurous? Friendly? Helpful?


Be that person.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2008
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 5:05pm

Thank you so much for your considered reply - and I'm going to get a copy of that book too.


It is painful, but I promise I'm going to try what you've said and I'll be sure to let you know how I'm getting on!