If your spouse told you he wanted out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
If your spouse told you he wanted out...
9
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 9:53am
I told my husband on Tuesday that I wanted a divorce and there was no turning back. He is devestated beyond belief. I am sick over the pain I am causing him....I do still care about him but I just cannot stay in the marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 3:27pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 7:16am
I must say that I give you credit for caring about what your spouse is feeling and wanting to learn about the different stages. I wish my ex sat down and thought about my feelings during our separation. I applauded you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 8:37pm
I can't speak from experience but I can totally relate to your situation...I'm there too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:17pm

I just wanted to add one thing to what pp's said.

Katy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Wed, 02-13-2008 - 9:35pm

I couldn't agree with you more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Thu, 02-14-2008 - 2:38pm

Thank you both so much for your responses. I am doing exactly what you are saying not to do...I am trying so hard to be nice and "help" him get through it because I thought that would make it easier, but I can now see where it would make it harder. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me this. I hope you yourself are OK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2008
Thu, 02-14-2008 - 9:17pm

It's so hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 12:20pm

~Here is another view...


I am the one who left..I moved out while he was at work and just left him a note. We didnt talk for months (i filed immediately and filed for a protective order) but we are now talking due to a major car accident I had in Dec.


He told me that he was hurt. He had called my mom and sister who lived on the east coast for the first few weeks after my leaving. He went through a stage of confusion, and forgot to pay the bills. His family helped him out. He met and moved in a girl a month after I left and she takes care of him now.


We talk and see each other every few weeks. He doesnt want a divorce, I do. He has tried his best to be nice and help me out, but he wont give up the drinking nor the gf...lol


Our divorce is at a standstill. Yes I know he hurt for a while when I left, but I gave him years of warning..he just wouldnt stop his abuse and drinking, and still wont.


Its a hard thing to do. But if it has to be done, then it has to be....


~Lisa  =))

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 12:05pm
I am in the same position as the OP. I finally got the courage to talk to my husband about wanting to move out.