Meeting this AM with X & psyc ....
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Meeting this AM with X & psyc ....
| Thu, 01-31-2008 - 11:09am |
Ugh. He is a LOT OF WORK!
The 1st 40 min was the very typical all the blame on me for poisoning dd against him, threats of legal action or his "disspearing forever", he swears that I tell her what to say, write & draw (i suppose in the situation its Semi-understandable that he would think that, b/c who WANTS to think their child draws things about them like she has) & mostly that I am a mean, vindictive person & gain pure pleasure out of "keeping him from his child", that I bankrupted him (YEAH, right! He nearly did ME in financially!) He was just ALL over the place - getting really angry a few times. He kept saying there was NO REASON to continue to keep her from him, he was ready to put it all behind him & see her - yet whenever he was confronted with "if you are ready, then why do you never call her, & when she does call you, why do you put HER on the sotp & ask her why she hasnt called you?" - the doc kept pointing out the stress it puts on the child, to be the one who is supposed to keep the contact - & how important it was for HIM to be & act like a parent, & NOT have his child worrying about taking care of him. His response always somehow led back to ME - why he asked her something, or treated her the way he did, etc. He just kept saying that she was becoming "just like Rebecca" & how much he detests me.
He did admit it was his anger at me for leaving him (THREE YEARS AGO!!!) that kept him acting like that in front of dd. The doc did get him to the point of making some sort of plan to be a better parent ... starting with individual therapy for himself, with this doc ... for which *I* agreed to pay his co-pays b/c otehrwise he says he cant afford it. But to me, its well worth it if this guy can help the situation. (i have been paying his co-pays up to now anyway ...$15 a visit ... yet he swears i dont WANT him to see her ... errr!)
So ... after a stand still of him saying "Im not leaving this office w/o plans to see her" & the doc & I standing our ground ... X totally broke down. OMG, i swear, it was pathetic. & it wasnt manipulative on his part. I think he really just lost it. It started b/c apparently his excuse to the doc for missing the last appt was that "Rebecca didnt call to remind him". The doc brought that up, telling X he coudlnt count on my anymore for things like that.
The 1st 40 min was the very typical all the blame on me for poisoning dd against him, threats of legal action or his "disspearing forever", he swears that I tell her what to say, write & draw (i suppose in the situation its Semi-understandable that he would think that, b/c who WANTS to think their child draws things about them like she has) & mostly that I am a mean, vindictive person & gain pure pleasure out of "keeping him from his child", that I bankrupted him (YEAH, right! He nearly did ME in financially!) He was just ALL over the place - getting really angry a few times. He kept saying there was NO REASON to continue to keep her from him, he was ready to put it all behind him & see her - yet whenever he was confronted with "if you are ready, then why do you never call her, & when she does call you, why do you put HER on the sotp & ask her why she hasnt called you?" - the doc kept pointing out the stress it puts on the child, to be the one who is supposed to keep the contact - & how important it was for HIM to be & act like a parent, & NOT have his child worrying about taking care of him. His response always somehow led back to ME - why he asked her something, or treated her the way he did, etc. He just kept saying that she was becoming "just like Rebecca" & how much he detests me.
He did admit it was his anger at me for leaving him (THREE YEARS AGO!!!) that kept him acting like that in front of dd. The doc did get him to the point of making some sort of plan to be a better parent ... starting with individual therapy for himself, with this doc ... for which *I* agreed to pay his co-pays b/c otehrwise he says he cant afford it. But to me, its well worth it if this guy can help the situation. (i have been paying his co-pays up to now anyway ...$15 a visit ... yet he swears i dont WANT him to see her ... errr!)
So ... after a stand still of him saying "Im not leaving this office w/o plans to see her" & the doc & I standing our ground ... X totally broke down. OMG, i swear, it was pathetic. & it wasnt manipulative on his part. I think he really just lost it. It started b/c apparently his excuse to the doc for missing the last appt was that "Rebecca didnt call to remind him". The doc brought that up, telling X he coudlnt count on my anymore for things like that.


x's are exhausting.
R~
Wow... I have tears rolling down my cheeks right now for all of you and I'm not even involved, except as online friend and support... wow... what a realization and what a breakdown... they say it is the roughest before it starts to get better... I truly and pray that x has now reached the bottom and can now start the long process of rebuilding himself and then rebuilding his relationship with A when they're both ready...
*hugs to both of you* and an early Happy Birthday to Ave from me and JoeyBear...