I keep looking for a sign of hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
I keep looking for a sign of hope
8
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 12:59pm

My husband did pick up the settlement agreement last week, but I never got word. He was the one who wanted out of the marriage. He said we fought about the same things over and over and I didn't go out and get a better paying job when he told me to 2 years ago and that is why. He wanted me to live on one side of the house and he on the other until it sold. I left instead.


Monday after almost a week of him picking up the agreement and not telling me anything, I wrote him and asked if he sent it back to the lawyers and if so, did he have any questions about it? He wrote back and was upset that he was responsible for all of the bills regarding the house when I own half of it. I told him that if he doesn't sign the agreement and we have to go to court, the judge will just tell him to sell it. He then will have to pay the court costs and I don't want to do that. I just want him to sign it and we are done and he can put the house up for sale.


He didn't respond and after asking him a couple of more times in an e-mail if he needed more time, he said that he was going to drop off the settlement at my lawyers with his requested revisions.


I feel like he is dragging his feet now. I wonder, could it possibly be that he is regretting his decision though he hasn't told me that? I keep holding out hope and my friends are telling me that it is just because he now is realizing that this is going to hit him financially and it has nothing to do with love. I refuse to believe he stuck with me for 10 years because of how much I made (40K). Is it possible that he really does love me?? Can he bv feeling bad about his decision???


Help me please!!! I keep holding out hope that a miracle will happen and this bad dream will end and we'll be ok and he'll come around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 11:22am

If this guy is such a jerk that he would leave you because you didn't get a higher paying job, why would you want him back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:24pm

Thank you for your reply. Last night, I told him that there has to be someone listed as responsible for the house until it sells. Since he is living there, he should have to pay for it. I don't have the money to since I have to pay for an apartment and utilities of my own since he didn't want the marriage anymore. I do have a job and kept the same one which really made him mad. I make 40K a year, but he wanted me to make more. When I had my hysterectomy, I went back to work 2 weeks later so it isn't like I am lazy.


He refused to sign the agreement and then threatened to dump the house and leave it and go hire the best attorney money can buy. He also threatened to go for my animals since he knows how much they mean to me. He moved me out 4 weeks ago and so that means that he was in agreement to what I took. He is being very vindictive right now for no reason. I have never done anything mean to this man. I tried one more time to get him to see reason and to sign the settlement agreement. He says it is too late and it is "Game On".


I forwarded these e-mails from him to my lawyer and they can be used in court. They suggested that since he is threatening to abandon the house that I have him served now. He also threatened met with "Game On." I finally had to tell them that I am going to stop trying to talk to him and will let them handle the divorce from here. This really sucks, but it is opening my eyes to the kind of man he is. It was about my checking account, not my heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:26pm

Hi!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:29pm
Oh yes... definitely, have him served ASAP!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:37pm

Usually the person living in the house while the divorce is pending has to pay 100% of the mortgage since they would have to pay for a place to live somewhere anyway, unless it's a case that they can't afford it and the other person has to pay alimony.


I do agree that from now on she should not waste time talking to this guy and let the lawyers handle it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 12:53pm

Yes, you're right.... but he's challenging her about the "bills"... and technically, even if one person continued to live in the house for years after the divorce... if you look at it as a joint asset where the proceeds will be split 50/50 whenever it sells, maintenance should be shared (unless the person living there is neglectful or causes the damage), but if you put it to the person living in the home that "it's half mine, so if I'm expected to pay half the mortgage, I'll have to charge you rent


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Thu, 05-15-2008 - 8:38pm

Thanks everyone. That's what I tell him too. I put in the settlement that he can either refinance and get my name off of the house,(he doesn't have to buy me out), or put the house up for sale and we split the proceeds. I told him I would help with anything that needs to be done to the house in order to get it ready for sale and to put it on the market immediately. HE WON"T DO IT!!!!! I don't understand him at all and am so confused about this.


I told him to do a short sell then because it is better than a foreclosure since he is threatening to walk away from it and dump me with it and just disappear off into the night. I am afraid he is going to make a run for it out of state where his family lives in Nebraska and I live in Florida.


I went ahead and told the lawyers to handle it now. I have tried to talk sense into him and the only thing on his mind right now is hitting me where it hurts which I don't understand because he is the one who wanted out of the marriage. He is the one who kept telling me he couldn't wait when he was moving me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 4:34pm

I think you need to change your name to "bestyear2008."

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.