stbx texts for....

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
stbx texts for....
3
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 9:49am

sex.......looks like i'm not good enough for a real apology, as even tho he's sorry it is now to late to fix our marriage, (as he put it) he also has misplaced the divorce papers but when he finds them he'll give them to me, but can I go over so we can um....u know!!!!!!


Why is he making me feel like I'm good enough for just sex, but not good enough for an apology or to be treated right and in a great marriage????


And how in the world do you 'misplace' divorce papers??? It's a huge stack of papers.......


All he cares about is himself, he rarely texts to ask about our daughter, who he hasn't seen in 2 weeks...but I'm supposed to go over and satifsy his needs...him him him....when will he remember us???


And then he doesn't text for days, and just as it's getting easier.....I get these texts =(

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 11:47am
I hope you told him that he's out of his mind!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 9:16pm

Roxanne,


He figures you're a "safe bet" for sex or he's desperate to get laid. Tell him no.


And, tell him whether he "finds" the divorce papers or not, you expect a reply by such and such date or you'll have them sent again. The only person he needs to "go over" the papers with is his lawyer.


Stick to your guns.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 11:01pm

And I thought I was the only one going thru this stupidity!! lol - Hate you are going thru this as well - but it does give me some comfort in knowing I'm not alone ;)


Texting for sex - doesn't get any more highschool than that - but it happens. And I'll be honest w/you - for the past 11 months, I have continued to see my husband in that way - wkly. It's as much my fault as it is his. And honestly I was fine w/it. Once a wk, we'd still get together w/the kids at "his" house. And it was fine - some extra time for both of us w/the kids etc. & at one point, I felt like it was mutually beneficial & was willing to do it long-term.


However now that our divorce can be made official next month, I've reconsidered. Ultimately I do want marriage & our family under the same roof & I realize that of course by still having sex (well first all since we have been, we can't legally divorce next month) that I'm either pro-longing the inevitable or I'm standing in my own way of what I really want. Not saying that marriage is always fun or that I've always "really" wanted it - lol - but I know ultimately what's best for me.


So now - after I cut him off for about 3 wks, he gets desparate & says he wants to work towards reconciliation. So I go up one night - we put our wedding bands on & have a great night. Then the next night I get a phone call saying that he wants to go into individual therapy for himself before making the pemanent decision & asks if I will support him in his decision.


Did I mention it's been almost a year now? lol - and NOW he thinks he needs some help working thru his issues. We had counseling together, but apparently that wasn't enough.


So at first, I'm like - yes, I'll support you. But then I wake up to reality & realize, why the hell should I support him when I'm not longer technically his wife? If we were still under the same roof, then I would. But we are not - and I'm not getting any younger ;) I'm like yes, I'll support you. Any time you need someone to talk to, need feedback etc. I'm there. But as far as still hanging out as a family, having sex etc. - NO. That boat has sailed - now wake up to reality & make a realistic decision concerning us & family - whether you want it or not.


We as women are as much at fault as the men - if they think they can get it & not own up to the responsibility, they will just like the thief in the night. I don't like being crass - but I've came to the conclusion that toys & boys are for nuts - lol. It takes a man to fulfill the role of a husband - and that's the only thing I need.


Good luck!!


(((Laurel)))