What is wrong with me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
What is wrong with me???
18
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 9:50am

Okay, what is up with me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 11:43am
You're not stupid, you just don't want to get divorce, so any nice behavior on his part is something you cling to in the hope that you won't have to get the divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 1:11pm

We agreed that it would be a trial separation, to try and work out our differences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 1:46pm

I personally don't think that dating other people during a separation is a good idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 2:33pm

I agree that dating during a separation (where we could get back together) is a bad idea, also doesn't help work on our issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 3:11pm
If he has mentioned dating others, he is either already involved or will be shortly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 3:54pm
That really makes me sad, and feel sick to my stomach for someone to say out loud what I have been thinking and hoping isn't true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:48am

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I feel like I'm the only one going through something like this when I look around at people I know. But then I get online and see that so many women are experiencing the same thing. Dr. James Dobson has a book called Love Must Be Tough. If I remember correctly, it talks about what not to do when you're in this situation. He says the more you cling and try to appease, the more you push the other person away. It might be worth checking out.


Hang in there. Do you have good support from friends and family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 1:05pm

It really makes me stop and think when I see how many people are going through similar situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 4:44pm

I had to reply. I've been separated since Oct. 07. Was supposed to be a trial separation with a time limit of six months (that just past this week). We dated once per week. We are getting a divorce. Please, please, please, don't make the mistake I made.

I made everything too easy for him. You need a flat screen for your apartment? Sure, why not? You need me to go out and buy clothes for the kids for while they are with you? Sure, why not? You want to have sex sometimes after our dates? Sure, why not?

I loved him with all of my heart for 12 years. Three months into our separation, he decided it wasn't going to work and he had made up his mind.

My advice is this and it's a tough one: Don't be mean to him. Just don't make it easy. Become unavailable unless it is for a good reason. Let him realize what his life will be like without you in it. I wish I would have done this as I think our marriage really could have been saved had we both put everything we had into it. But it just turned into a roller coaster.

I wish you all of the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 5:52pm

You know what?

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