NOW he doesn't want me ARRRGH!!!!
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| Sun, 05-25-2008 - 7:52am |
Hello again everyone,
For those of you who remember me, STBX told me he was done with the marriage in April and that he had fallen out of love with me because we fought about the same things for years and I didn't go get a better paying job like he ordered me to. I went from 45K to 35K when we moved to Florida, but now am back at 40K and have full benefits and also can work all of the overtime I want to make up for it.
He moved me out of the house and even helped and would mutter to himself how he couldn't wait and was excited. I drew up a more than fair settlement agreement and he wouldn't sign it because he didn't want to be the one responsible for the mortgage and thought that I should be helping pay for it since my name is on the house. I told him to sell it then or get my name off of it be refinancing. I didn't even make him buy me out of my half!!!! Anyways, he threatened to get a cutthroat lawyer and he was going to be nasty and drag this out. He made the mistake of e-mailing all of this to me and I just forwarded it to the lawyer. When STBX threatened to dump the house and leave it, the lawyer suggested to have him served with the original filing. I had him served a little over a week ago, and he e-mailed me wanting me to meet him at my favorite restaurant for dinner. I told him I didn't want to.
He said that was too bad because he wanted to see what could be done to save the last 10 years. I told him to sign the settlement agreement, he would put the house up for sale since that was a big financial issue and we go to counseling. We got together last weekend and I ended up in bed with him. I knew it was going to happen, but couldn't help myself. I loved hearing the right things and missed him so much. Well, he makes an appointment with our counselor, but doesn't call me or see me all week. Then on Friday, he e-mails me asking if I have any plans for the weekend. I told him I didn't and he told me to come see his son's school function which was on Friday. I show up there and STBX shows up. Mind you, we were supposed to be working on things. He starts fiddling with his right hand and I looked down because of this. He had put his wedding band on his right hand and it was stuck and he was trying to get it off to switch it to his left hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Later, I asked him about this because I thought we were working towards a reconcilliation. He said that as long as we could resolve the problems HE had with the marriage, he wanted it. WTF????
I am the giver in the marriage, so I gave him everything I had. I realized this man is selfish, self centered, and mentally abusive. A lot of my family and friends told me since I left that they never really liked him and didn't think he was that great to me.
Yesterday, I wrote him an e-mail asking him to not contact me by phone or e-mail any longer. It was hard to do, but I feel a lot better about it and am proud of myself for not putting up with this any longer. I am a good catch and have a lot to offer. He is an emotional mess. I know it will get better for me. The hard part is, it sucks going through the breakup and the feelings of loss and nostalgia.
To help myself feel better, I am saving money to go on a trip. I decided to make planning this trip my primary focus. It is going to be a huge trip, so I am starting to save money now and am working overtime. I don't have any family down here since we moved away from everyone, so I started volunteer work at the seabird sanctuary. It is so rewarding and I get to help orphaned baby birds. I also started reading a lot of books.
Hope my story helps others who are going through the same thing with husbands who don't know if they want to be married anymore or who treat you like an old toy they don't want to play with anymore until someone else picks it up.
Hugs to all of you. You have helped me through such a difficult time and I'll continue posting to this board.

Good for you. I love your spirited attitude. Get rid of him.
Do yourself a favor. Write down how great you feel. List all of things that you are that make you YOU, and what you're doing, the trips, the reading, bird sanctuary, etc. Because there may be a day down the road where you don't feel so empowered, and miss him, and you can look at this that you've written and it will maybe help you remember how strong you are right now.
My mantra right now is NO MORE. Sounds like yours is too. Good luck.
I'm joining you ladies...NO MORE!
And I'm not going to feel guilty about the things I do to protect myself and my children in this divorce and related to his drinking. NO MORE!
Let's hang tough together!! :)
Regarding feeling guilty.
I'm ready to make my stbx an offer to buy the house out and I feel guilty.
LOVE the mantra!! NO MORE is right for all of us. We have all taken abuse in some way/shape/form, and we need to remain strong. Keep us posted!!!
I think we feel guilty because we have human decency Buckeye! Sadly something most of our STBXs are lacking.
NO MORE! :)
Hey Worstyear,
Sounds like our stories are very similiar. Although my husband cheated on me