H just left me
Find a Conversation
H just left me
| Sun, 05-25-2008 - 5:41pm |
My H just left me friday. He left a note saying this, and went to work. I talked to him briefly when he got off and then walked out the door, I bawled, pleaded, begged, everything I shouldnt have done. He left me with 6 kids, not my own, we are receiving home for foster children. It has been such a hard long weekend on my own with them. I never ever saw this coming, we just got back from a vacation we took together, just us, and I guess that meant nothing. Now I have to move the kids to another home and I feel absolutely crushed about it but I dont have a choice, I stayed home and have no income and it will take time for me to be stable on my own. The kids are just crushed, he was 'daddy' to them and will always be, and the worst part is he has no responsibility legally to see them, care for them, etc but does morally and that wouldnt matter to him.
I know hes had a lot of stress lately, his father died, and some other issues, he was on antidepressants but I guess it wasnt enough?
I am pretty sure there is no hope in reconnecting with him solely based on my very brief 2 phone conversations with him, so I guess I am just looking for support on how to move on. I plan to go get my GED and then maybe take a college course or two and try to find myself again. I plan to keep my child care license in case I ever want to do this again when I am stable. Theres just so many hurt people in his selfish decisions, I cant believe he did it. I feel awful for one of my boys because H had talked of adopting him, and now the poor kid has to move to another home completely, I am so LIVID with H. Do what you want me to me, but to crush the kids is worse. I am more mad than sad, which is good for now, but my heart still hurts. Its amazing the physical pain the heart can feel, and it doesnt seem to want to go away anytime soon. :(
The only thing I look forward to now is the kids moving which is sad too as I will cry and miss them when they go but I need time to myself, to grieve, to process everything, like H is out doing all weekend and I dont get a chance to. I know, it sounds kind of selfish but I just need some time to think, I am in constant go mode with the kids and cant take a breathe and process my thoughts and emotions. After they leave, I plan to just do nothing for a week but relax, and think, and grieve and try to have some fun too and then see what pieces of my life I can put back together.
I know hes had a lot of stress lately, his father died, and some other issues, he was on antidepressants but I guess it wasnt enough?
I am pretty sure there is no hope in reconnecting with him solely based on my very brief 2 phone conversations with him, so I guess I am just looking for support on how to move on. I plan to go get my GED and then maybe take a college course or two and try to find myself again. I plan to keep my child care license in case I ever want to do this again when I am stable. Theres just so many hurt people in his selfish decisions, I cant believe he did it. I feel awful for one of my boys because H had talked of adopting him, and now the poor kid has to move to another home completely, I am so LIVID with H. Do what you want me to me, but to crush the kids is worse. I am more mad than sad, which is good for now, but my heart still hurts. Its amazing the physical pain the heart can feel, and it doesnt seem to want to go away anytime soon. :(
The only thing I look forward to now is the kids moving which is sad too as I will cry and miss them when they go but I need time to myself, to grieve, to process everything, like H is out doing all weekend and I dont get a chance to. I know, it sounds kind of selfish but I just need some time to think, I am in constant go mode with the kids and cant take a breathe and process my thoughts and emotions. After they leave, I plan to just do nothing for a week but relax, and think, and grieve and try to have some fun too and then see what pieces of my life I can put back together.

Hello Becoming,
I'm new to this board and recently separated myself, 2 weeks. Although I knew it was coming for some time I can certainly understand your pain, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It was beyond selfish for your H to leave you in that situation with children you are responsible for, and who care emotionally for him.
It's good that you're already thinking of getting your life together and moving ahead, despite
Hi Becomingmeagain,
Wow I am sorry you are going through this also.
i understand ur pain, i have been left, as well, w/ kids
i have 3 kids, not all his
he felt too much responsibility, now , one yr later, he feels bad, but , he wont come right out / say so, but i can tell , in his actions, and when we meet up to trade our kid for the weekends, he has started making gestures of ( "he still loves me" like picking the lint off of my shirt , while im not looking)
but, if i hadnt plowed away at working towards our communication getiing better, then we never wouldve reached this point, we
What is wrong with these MEN.
So your husband left you, so did my wife, leaving me with three kids 10,9 and 7. She left me to move in with her plastic surgeon boyfriend and did not see her kids for three months. What did I do? Exactly what I did before, be a great father to my kids. What I cannot understand is why instead of tossing your foster kids out, why aren't you focusing on their needs and MAYBE relying on them a little for support. How old are they?
Maybe I do not understand, does a foster family needs two parents? I have seen some here in LA with one parent. YOU are their parent, would you kick your own kids out if your husband left? It does sound like your husband has issues, but within three days, you are dumping the kids, finishing your GED, and then a college class or two. How much of a bond to these kids did you have?
An assumption - and I expect a lot of backlash - maybe you let the husband do most of the work while you sat on your ass watching Oprah or Dr. Phil. I have no tolerance for anyone who abandons kittens or kids, you have moved on way to fast to display any kind of a bond with them. In your own words, your husband talked of adopting one kid, what did you think of this?
Magic
Thanks, no fostercare does not bring in much, just a reimbursement for each childs living expenses which is never enough to cover it all anyway. I thought about the daycare thing but I think at this point I really need a break from kids, I LOVE them, but its been a stressful two years that we have fostered, would never change it for the world and its not the kids, its the dept. that is hard, and the living in a fishbowl life. I just need to focus on myself right now and what I can do to get on my feet and better ME. H is being wishy washy, one days hes soooo happy and stress free without me, the next, poor him, wishes we could go back to 2 years ago, blah blah, I can no wait around on him. If I go ahead with my plans I can get myself stable and then if I ever do get vulnerable and stupid enough to take him back, I will have a back up if he bails again or if I get sick of him and wont be in the spot I am in now! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! :)
heavenly...
bitterness has been creeping up on me for a while now, but, for some reason,