Just soooo frustrated....self pity
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| Sat, 05-31-2008 - 10:15am |
Hi all..I read posts daily, but don't post often. Here's my story..
Married 16 yrs, together 18. He is my second marriage, 6 yrs younger. I brought 3 children into the relationship. He was military, so after his 4 years were up, we moved out west to his hometown..my family is all on the east coast.
He was always a drinker, but it got heavy around 6 years ago. He is sexually, mentally, and physically abusive along with controlling. I have left him several times, but stability for my children always brought me back (unwillingly)
I left again 8 months ago and filed for divorce. My children are grown, but now I have my 5 yr old granddaughter to raise. It took a few months to get use to and learn to love my tiny one-bdrm apt..I had gone back to school, things seemed fine. Judge didnt order the expected alimony during temp hearing, so I had to drop school and try to find a job. I havent worked out of the home in several years..
Right after the judges blow, my car was wrecked and in the shop for 6 weeks. I started working for a friend finally, he went bankrupt. I had to go on state aid (food stamps) while finding a new job. Got one, then got evicted in April and had to move back into the marital home. I found a new job, but had to have surgery which didnt go well, recovering has been slow...lost that job too 3 weeks ago.
So now all my stuff sits crammed into one room (storage) and I am back in our home. It hasnt been easy. The home we worked so hard to remodel and landscape is basically a pig sty now. The stbx had moved his gf in with her 3 dogs who ate walls, ruined flower beds, dug holes everywhere right after I had left last year. She is no longer in the home, but threatens me and comes by to visit when ever she feels like it. She still has a key, he wont take it back, and she is pressuring him to get me out.
He has other females calling everyday. He sits on the phone with them laughing and talking for hours...sometimes he takes off and stays gone overnight. I got perturbed one night and told him I needed to find a guy to call me..he said no way...then he goes on about how much he loves me..yeah right!
My time here can go bad at any time. The stbx was awarded the house temporarily by a judge, so I could be kicked out if I make my drunk stbx mad in any way...I try to keep to myself, cook, shop, clean and keep the peace so my granddaughter wont end up on the streets. It has been a rollercoaster, and my emotional health is not doing well.
I started seeing a therapist in March, and did a short stint in a psych hospital right after my eviciton...I just dont know if I can hold myself together until I find a new job that pays well enough to get back out of this hellhole..
Well, thats the short of it. I am alone, raising my granddaughter, and struggling to become self sufficient. I just wish he would have some compassion and be a little bit more discreet with all these females!
