introducing myself
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| Sat, 05-31-2008 - 8:02pm |
So here I am, on a divorce and separation message board. I've been married 8 years, together 11, we have two children, 6 and 4. We started therapy before we got married, bad sign. We started again after our daughter turned 1, got pg with our second and stopped. I convinced myself that I had to just suck it up when it came to life's disappointments. When my son had an accident at 15 months due to parental negligence on his part we began therapy again. During this time I was on anti depressants because he convinced me all our problems and my unhappiness were caused by post partum depression, a diagnosis I now question. He was absent both physically and emotionally, using embarrassment and humiliation to make himself feel better. For years people told me I was a saint for allowing him his behaviors, they didn't realize I had no choice. Even the divorce was ultimately his decision, even though I asked for it for years I was unwilling or unable to leave without his "permission"
During the therapy sessions I found out that he hid a $100,000 bonus from me. He continues to not take ownership of his deception. He has also received dirty and explicit text messages and denies they are for him, even though they are from a coworker.
We decided in January to mediate. In April the talks broke down and we were sent to our lawyers. He is adamant about denying me any bit of his premarital assets. He expects to walk out of the marriage with millions while "giving" me hundreds of thousands (we live in one of the most expensive areas in the country). He will not "allow" me to live further away with the children and he is not fit for physical custody (not that I would ever give up my children). He refuses to leave the house and so we continue to live together, him going out and living his life while I stay home, cooking and cleaning for the children. Now I love being a sahm and would like to continue for another 2 years if possible, I just don't feel he should benefit from my domesticity, especially if he is being inflexible about a settlement.
We just accepted an offer on our house. An act I am questioning as my housing situation may take a terrible nose dive. Perhaps staying here and having him removed would be better until a settlement is reached, but I've now lost that playing card. He continues to battle for control of my life all the while posing as a doting father (only in public and not that convincingly) and tells people the divorce is amicable. He willingly gave up physical custody, never once asking for more time with them. He also tells his lawyer that he wanted to continue working on the marriage, a manipulation of facts at best.
So, it's a long introduction, but I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm here for support, guidance and friendship.
Edited 5/31/2008 8:09 pm ET by renovatingwalker

thanks, I read this article on here:
http://parenting.ivillage.com/mom/structure/0,,fsm,00.html
and it freaked me out. I will definitely reach out to musiclover. I appreciate the advice. Will keep you updated, tomorrow is our inspection day for the sale of our house. yikes!
just because I need to tell this to someone...
he left the house last night around 6:30 to go to a spin class. he came home after 11 pm. now because he has turned me into a paranoid lunatic I checked his phone this morning. he was really playing doubles tennis with a woman named violet.
what do I do with this information? do I share with the lawyer that I've been snooping, cause that will make me look bad. does it matter? we're divorcing, I shouldn't care, right?
argh!
Tell the lawyer, if for no other reason than to emphasize that you have to get out of this cohabiting situation as
soon as possible.