STBX wants me to be executor

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
STBX wants me to be executor
9
Thu, 06-05-2008 - 9:24pm

So, I get a call today that my STBX wants me to be executor of his will (which is the first time he ever drafted one), and also power of attorney when he goes to jail (court date is June 17--supposedly). I believe it is a total manipulation scam on his part regarding the executor thing (although he probably doesn't realize it--alcoholic) I really don't think this is a good idea for me and want to say NOOOO?? (musiclover???)

Second issue: So after the fiasco on Sunday with him telling me that his counselors told him that I had a part in all of his issues, and that I needed to look in the mirror at my own problems (I tried to explain to him that I did look in the mirror for my problems, but all I saw was him ;) Seriously though, I am facing having to buy him out and am wondering how that whole process works. I will be contacting my lawyer tomorrow about that but just wondering if those of you have been through that (buckeye going through it now) can help explain the process. I am in Canada, but I believe it probably is pretty much the same thing.

Geez, why does it always seems that when things are looking up, they flip you on your ass and are upside down :S

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 11:28am

I think that if his property goes to your children, it probably does make sense for you to be executor, but you could always decline if you don't want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 11:43am

Thanks for your help musiclover, I always appreciate it!


His property is going to me apparently, and if something happens to me then it goes to the kids. Question: if I refinance in my own name, how do

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 12:12pm

You would have to have an agreement first on how the equity is to be divided--is it 1/2 each or different? You would take the current fair mkt value minus the mortgage to determine the equity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 1:43pm

Hi music


Geez, my situation doesn't sound so bad (well except for the criminal charges he has faced). What a horrible position for you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 2:27pm

I live near Boston where housing prices are extremely high.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 6:22pm

I live about 3 1/2 hours north of Toronto, but both my kids are working there. DD is home this weekend though YAY :) Housing prices there are absolutely insane, but DS was looking at a condo and there isn't anything under $250 000 (and that's for a dump lol)

Speaking of kids, geez, somehow I missed the fact you had a grade sixer! Stability for that age group is so important for sure. I guess we just have to do what he have to do for the time being and leave our options open.

I have had to sell a horse, lease one out, and move one from my place. It breaks my heart but at least I am still in the house for now--I love it here in the country--quiet and peace. I hope I can stay, but if not, I will sell as well and find another place, maybe even smaller (although my place isn't big at all--ok by me--less to clean ;).

I think for me the not knowing what is going to happen is what stresses me. I am not a stressed out person, but I do like controlling my own destiny--not an option when going through separation/divorce.

As for your friend, good for her if she can do that! I'm not big on material things, so I'm with you on the $150 sheets (from Walmart lol). I make a decent salary, but I am just making ends meet--funny how on one salary I'm making ends meet and when we had two, we never did ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 10:49am
The same thing is happening w/ me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 11:12am
Sounds likek you could write a book for sure! I went through the same thing with bills being forgotten about with my STBX when he was still in the picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 6:41pm

So, not only does he want me to be the executor, he also wants me to buy him out of our house, guhhhhh. Banker phoned me and gave me some options but sounds like the best thing to do is try and qualify on my own for the existing mortgage plus the increase (because of market prices increasing). I have a real problem ethically turning over money to him to pay for his court costs in order to get him house arrest (God knows where that will be but for sure not here!!) instead of jail time. (some of the funds will go to pay back what he stole) Why doesn't he stand up and be a man and take the jail time and just sign over the house to me--I've been through so much in the last year and a 1/2 with his charges and impending convictions etc. He has dragged the family through hell and back (and continues to do so). I have been the sole provider for everything (including DD's university) regarding the house. I am beside myself with this, it is just SOOOO wrong. My banking guy figures I can afford it on my salary (to buy him out and refinance) which is really good news, but I would rather just continue to pay my existing mortgage and not be so tight with the money (we just moved here two years ago so equity isn't huge).

I'm really struggling with this one, he said he would sign over the house to me as I've always paid the bills since we moved here! Apparently not gonna happen and I'LL end up paying for HIS sins.

Advice?