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| Wed, 06-11-2008 - 10:15pm |
This is my third year as a divorced woman. I was in an abusive marriage for 26 years. I cant seem to figure out what to do with my life. If I don't do something, in 3 years i'll be penniless. I am working, but it's not a career. I keep trying to make myself go back to college, but i feel dumb and don't have the confidence. not to mention all the young people. it feels weird.
I dated a few men, but too scared to move forward. a bad thing is, i fell into an affair with my attorney right after the divorce. it's been 3 years. he is not madly in love with me, won't leave hiswife. i don't want to marry any way. i just don't seem to be able to break it off and i've tried many times. i know that he uses me also to share his problems. i think i can't let go because he is my only

Hi. I lurk around here, getting ready to take the jump into divorce. I post at Toxic Relationships from time to time. I read your post and felt I should throw in my
I also agree that you should go to counselling first.
Hi,
thanks for your response. I am just worn out from the stress of everything. The financial stress alone is difficult. I support us by writing articles and stories and getting them published. ia amalways under deadline pressure. my ex husband is a phd. i put him tthru school and then raised our 3 kids while he built his career. he is very wealthy and famous in his field. I was happy to help him, but the marriage was dangerous for my children. he is very unstable. anyway, i feel like i am spinning my wheels in mud. thanks for the advice. i am trying to get strong and move forward. counseling is too expensive for me.
Cost for counseling
Hi Pe,
Glad you found us here at SD&S. I hope you find support and friendship.
Here's a truth:"No one can take advantage of you without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt.
My first piece of advice: stop ALL contact with your affair partner. Period. He can hire a professional therapist. You don't need to be his "beast of burden" while he works out his issues. Plus, he's really a low life to take advantage of a former client. His affair with you should get him disbarred. Stop talking to him, now!
It's critical to your mental/emotional and physical health for you to set boundaries. It's healthy and its OK. You need to recognize that your low self-esteem can't be improved if you're still letting people use you for a doormat.
My second piece of advice is focus on yourself.
1)Find a divorce support group. Many churches offer these for free or for a small fee. You'll find others who have shared your experience and to whom you can safely vent and find help. Your local community mental health center may also have support groups. Check the yellow pages.
2)Make a plan. So, you believe you'll be broke in three years. Turn that 180 degrees. What will it take for you to be financially solvent in three years? Will that mean returning to school? Getting additional training? Looking for a better job? There are many ways to go about changing your life situation. You're in the driver seat. So take charge!
3)Contact your local community college. Many have programs and scholarships for displaced homemakers, returning adult students and others who attend college later in life. (And stop worrying about the age of the other students. LOTS of people go back to school at every age. Indeed the oldest college graduate on record is 94!)
4)Investigate what training or education is available through your current job. Sometimes we think jobs are "dead ends" because we don't ask questions. If you work for a large retailer like Wal Mart go to your huaman resources department and ask what training or education is available. You can make a lot of hay by taking advantage of opportunities right at work. Plus, you'll cultivate an excellent reference. (Case in point. After my divorce I worked at a department store part-time. I took the time to introduce myself to the store manager and asked her to give me a special challenge. I didn't make any more money but I was rewarded with an excellent reference for
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