Divorce terms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Divorce terms.
7
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:12pm

I was wondering if these divorce terms seemed fair and opinions on them. *note There is no reason to believe there is drug use, I currently have our only car, I do not have a job nor do I think I want one which is why I am unsure of the tax filings.



Child Support:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:51pm

If you have no reason to believe that your STBX has any drug problem, then why would you put anything in there about having him drug tested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:45pm

I have included that my husband is responsible for 50% of the kids college tuition when/if they goes to college/professional school. It is a good idea if you have kids.

Also, are you going to have to get a job? You may want to include that he is responsible for 50% of the child care expenses you will incur if you do have to get child care/after school care for them.

In my state child support is supposed to be used for food, clothing and housing, but maybe they will let the school clothes be added as extra. You don't get what you don't ask for.

You should definitely meet with an attorney. It sounds like you have multiple homes, etc. and you should get everything you are asking for written up by a professional so it doesn't sound so demanding.

About the prenup - I think you may be able to require it if the "McAlester House" is a home that has been in the family a long time or is on the National Historic Register or something. This is stuff an atty would be able to advise you on or include in language that makes sense because it protects the children. I have included things like if my husband has a live-in girlfriend then my children can't stay overnight. If it is included as a safeguard for your children, they will let that stuff in sometimes, that and if your STBX doesn't object.

Good luck - get a lawyer!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 11:06pm

I think you REALLY need to see a lawyer. The previous posters offer good advice. All the stuff you've written here has a huge sense of entitlement..... you're entitled and are doing him a favor with everything you give him.

Reminded me of my sweetie's ex-wife's first offer of "You get all the debt and I get all the equity", which was shot down immediately by their mediator.

Good luck!

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 2:40pm

You may want to look into putting the real estate into a family trust. I know people that have done that and when the property is sold the proceeds are divided between the parties that are part of the trust which would include the children and yourself if you choose to set it up that way. It would protect the property from a future marriage. An attorney would need to set this up.

You can also require your ex to maintain a life insurance policy that would cover future child support and/or alimony if something were to happen to him since he will be a significant source of financial support.

I know this is difficult but children really need to feel that they are loved, adored and valued by both parents regardless of how you feel about your ex. When they don't at some point they will wonder what was wrong with them. It will be very difficult for them to feel safe and loved if they only see one of their parents a couple times a month. He will also want to do more financially if he is part of their life and doesn't become simply a paycheck.

I am also going through a divorce and it just doesn't seem to end. My children are older and it is difficult no matter the ages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 2:54pm

cindy_1204... You said: "children really need to feel that they are loved, adored and valued by both parents regardless of how you feel about your ex"


...and you couldn't be more right!


Nevermind the scummy way my EX treated me.... he's been an "OK" parent.... some times more to cheer about than others... but basically, he's not out to hurt or get the kids, and a big part of that is because I INSISTED that WE be reasonable, fair and responsible.... the operative word being *WE*.


It's so important when you develop a parenting plan that you don't say what *I* *I* *I* want or expect, but put in in terms of what *WE* are going to do to parent the children.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 3:47pm

I live in TX and can tell you that a lot of what you are asking for is WAY beyond what TX says is normal and customary. If you choose to force these issues, you will lose both what you want and a lot of money.


In TX, joint legal custody

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2007
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 7:34pm

Nalamia is spot on with the custody issue in TX ..even with the judge stating