Update
Find a Conversation
Update
| Sat, 09-13-2008 - 9:54pm |
I want to thank everyone who has supported me through my separation with my husband, it really helped. I actually found out that my husband pulled the divorce papers a few days ago, and today he came by to go through them with me. I saw pain in him, he was thinner- and he was a very lonely person. I see the same things in myself everyday that we're apart. I know if something like this hurts that badly, it can't be right; the pain of being apart is far greater than any I felt when we lived together. After so many fights and so many arguments I still look at him the same- he is a beautiful person. Neither of us want the divorce, and that to me is a good enough reason not to do it. He finally opened up to me about how he feels towards my family (they are alot of our problem), and how badly I've hurt him with words. I never thought anything phased him at all, he just wouldn't let me know it. I've prayed long and hard every day that his heart would soften, and that he'd understand how much I love him. So, I offered him marriage counseling through the church if not as a way to reconcile things- it would help us find common ground for our son's sake. He agreed! He is willing to put the divorce papers aside until we have a few sessions and work through our problems. I am so grateful that my prayers were answered; you have no idea how angry and distant he has been till today. I know we have a long hard road to walk before anything is resolved, but I see it as a blessing and a miracle. A miracle that he actually cried, that he let me in, and he loves me still in every way. My love for him has endured all things and I hope that I'll be home again with him one day.
Signatures On
| Sun, 09-14-2008 - 12:58am |
Wow! Great for you! How long have you been separated?? I too pray everyday that my H's heart will soften, and I actually visualize us getting back together, but IM not sure its in the cards for us. He is living with OW and her kids, for almost 9 months now. I know hes not happy there but I think he feels stuck. We had tried counseling, IC and MC, and he had always said it wouldn't work for us to be together even after I told him many times I had forgiven him, I think he just doesn't want it to work, nor does he want to put the effort in the rebuilding of our marriage, almost 27 years. I feel that if we are meant to be together GOD will bring us back together in HIS time, if not than it want meant to be, and I have accepted that. Good luck with your rebuilding! Keep us updated! ~Mary~
| Sun, 09-14-2008 - 2:10am |
My husband and I have been separated for over a month now. I think it's great that you can visualize getting back together- that means it's very possible. I know that happiness cannot be found in another person; no one can replace another. His experiences with the OW and her children may only help him see more clearly what it is that he seeks in a companion. As long as you take this time for self improvement you will be a perfect match for either his needs or perhaps someone more deserving. It sounds like your husband has settled for an easy way out of his problems; that is simply pessimism. I know that to be true because it is all too easy to hate or blame the other person for his own faults. I made a list a long time ago of the things that truly defined my husband and his charity. When he and I have had an argument, instead of letting his words repeat over in my mind I read that list. It reminds me that his words were out of anger or pain, that they in no way correlate to what I know to be true about him. This is such a great way to stop the nasty habbit of imprinting; or,
| Mon, 09-15-2008 - 10:42pm |
Hey Emmebee, I hope all is going well for you? I wanted to say that al though I can visualize us back together I think its just a fantasy on my part. He is so entrenched in OW life, her kids, etc. I cant see him leaving that for awhile. He has been there almost 10 months now, her birthday is coming up, their anniversary of him moving in is coming up, all the holidays. All those things that will only bring them closer together. He never calls me, I try not to call him because I want him to miss me, but I dont think that has happened. He calls the kids and talks to them, but has only called me if he needed something. He recently got into an accident on his harley ( purchased after he left, a new toy for him with money he really doesn't have) another bonding experience with OW she has one too. Anyway I had called him before his surgery, and told him if he needed anything like a ride to the Drs office, pt etc to call me, and as we hung up I told him "I Loved him", I'm not sure if he heard me, and I was surprised it just came out, I hadn't said it in months. I cant even count how many times I just wanted to reach out to him tell him how much I do still love him and miss him, but I think its too late, he just doesn't feel the same for me as he once did, I think if he didn't already have another woman he would of been back by now.I don't even think he even knows what love is? But I know God works in his own time, and if we are meant to be together and its in His plan it will happen, if not then I will know it wasn't meant to be. I'm just stuck because he wont file divorce papers I will have too, but I keep putting it off because I really don't want it'. But I want to move on with my life and I cant while Im in this limbo. Part of me is putting it off because I know as long as we are married, the OW cant really have any peace with her relationship with my H, once we are divorced she will have everything she wants, why do I want to give her that when they have taken so much from me and our family?? But this could go on for another year or so, I really need to move on. Its just so hard to know if your doing the right thing. Anyway thanks for listening, and I will keep you in my prayers....~GOD BLess~ Mary
| Tue, 09-16-2008 - 1:35am |
Well my H and I saw each other Sunday and today; I have to admit that each time he comes around it becomes harder to answer the door. I'm very emotional being pregnant and all, and at times it makes it difficult to think before I speak or react. I'm just afraid that the next time I see him might be the last time because I just can't help myself. I tell him I'm sorry and its difficult going through this and pregnancy- he just says I use it as an excuse. For that reason alone I wonder if its healthy for me to see him at all, even speak to him. Today we got into a pretty bad argument and he spat things at me left and right like a viper. I just broke down and cried; he told me to get out of his vehicle if I had any love for him at all, which I did. After crying for quite some time a few hours passed and he called me. He said that he was sorry, not for what he said but how he said it, that he shouldn't have been
