Telling other people

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Telling other people
9
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 11:30am

I was thinking about this subject because yesterday I ran into a good friend of STBX (they grew up together) in the mall and he said "what's new?" and I told him that STBX & I were getting divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 12:18pm

I wouldn't tell him.... I mean, you shouldn't be expected to "cover" for him because he likes to keep mum... but when you do enlighten folks, I'd just stick to the "WE decided to divorce" and speak very generally about "it just wasn't working for us any more" and AVIOD blaming, justifying or giving more reasons at all cost..... really, it's no one else's business, and really.... it just didn't work, bottom line... and will end up being the best choice for explanation way down the road for YOUR life.


It's the "mature" answer... no matter how much you may be hurt... at some point, you'll be proud of yourself for taking the high road and keeping the details for close friends (or anonymous message boards) :-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:19pm

This has been a difficult question for me as well.

Emom13

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:28pm

Try living with you STBX while it is all going on..We still go out socially as well, very weird for thoes who do know...yes, my STBX wants to be secretive as well..It's easier than trying to explain the living arrangements, most people just cant grasp that we are still social and living to gether (same bed as well) while going through the divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:34pm

We did live together here in Spain for up to 6 months after he filed the papers so yes I know how awkward that is.

Emom13

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:47pm

The funny thing for us is that we dont fight.. We are however, in financial ruin due to his actions over the last 9 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 3:13pm

I hope you aren't going to start dating while you are still living in the same house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 3:43pm

Lots of Hugs to you!!!!

Emom13

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 4:27pm

No, we are in one of the hardest hit areas of South Florida.


As for dating, I'm not ready for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 9:10pm
The friend of STBX that I first mentioned is a single guy (never married, no kids, but he did help raise his niece & nephew).