wondering about the adjustment
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wondering about the adjustment
| Mon, 09-22-2008 - 11:33am |
i have made the decision to end my 28 year marriage. ive been trying to make this decision for 3 years. i know its what i need to do but my husband doesnt want it. he is a really nice person, we just have never bonded. i stayed because i wanted to best for my children that are now grown. then i

Your friends are confused about your indecision.... how so?
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
hi cl
thanks so much for writing me. To answer your question about what my friend think. well, they just love me, and want me to move on. They believe i have giving this the best i can and dont understand the doubt i have in myself. i just cant stand to hurt anyone, so ending a 28 yr marriage, hurts alot of people. My kids will be fine, they love me, we have a wonderful relationship, its just the idealism of keeping it all together. And you are right, we are just stuck. Part of me knows there is more to life than this, Part of me is scared to find out what that is.. Im a huge people pleaser (some would say suck up) so its like im having an out of body experience to say, this isnt working for me.. i want more.
I have a theory on that!
I truly think that if I'd made decisions about my marriage in any different timeline, I might have doubts and regrets.... really, like you, all I had was just wanting everyone to be happy and make the transition easy.
In the end, yes... there were some times that were uncomfortable and scary, but most of all... it was WAY better than I ever imagined it would be, and I found myself saying "this wasn't so bad... i did it!... what was I so stressed about".... which it's really easy to say all of that in hindsight, but you'll have the confidence of knowing that you didn't make any decisions that weren't well thought out... and that says a WHOLE lot about who you are as a person and your values.
Be cautious... know it's gonna hurt a little bit some of the time... and keep taking those steps forward until you find where it feels good.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Have you tried doing things with your husband ? travel go out do fun things? I am a wife who got left behind because my husband probably felt the same way about me. I am a good wife, I am a good mother I am worth being with but when the other person feels they are missing something I get so mad. How dare the spouse who feels they want something more when we have put so many years into the relationship. Try something new with your spouse not run from them. That isnt fair we are good people. I pretty much feel that there isnt much better out there you will probably end up going from one relationship to another and here you have someone who seems like me would stay with you forever. I just dont get it.
Sorry you are going through this.
Thanks again.
Hi tealeaves,
Oh I remember those meals that you might have as well gone by yourself.
Everyone reads these posts through their own painful lens.