How can I be so upset??
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| Tue, 09-23-2008 - 9:59am |
Long story short. Found out last October my husband cheated on me one time with one woman(that he has confessed to). He was not best husband or father. I filed for divorce in November. Our divorce was final in August of this year.
Througout the divorce proceedings, he told me everyday that he loved me and that he had changed. I told him I was finished to do what he needed to to move on. He slept with two other women during this time(that I know of). That really did not bother me, but I found out way after the fact. He has told me over and over if I would come back he would drop everything and everyone. I have at times contemplated going back to him, but out of pride refused.
Now...he is dating a woman. He says that they are just friends. IT IS KILLING ME!!!. I am going crazy. I do not know if I am still in love with him, or if I just don't want him with anyone else. I have since starting seeing someone, but I just am not ready to date, I know I still have feelings for my ex. I just do not know if the feelings are enough to go back.
If someone has some insight...or has been here before...please help.

Hi Dazed,
What you're experiencing isn't unusual. It's called "Why couldn't you love ME?" syndrome.
Divorce is a huge rejection for BOTH parties. It doesn't matter if you're the one who filed and put their foot down. You're still going to feel rejected. His behavior is just reinforcing that. You're feeling remorse and you're wondering why he couldn't be the kind of husband you wanted him to be. He "moved on" long before the papers were filed and signed. Emotionally, you're still at the starting point. You've been betrayed and his "oh, please, take me back" act, is just making it harder for you to process your anger and loss.
Don't communicate with your Ex unless its absolutely necessary. It will help if you don't talk to him or accept calls, texts or emails from him. If you have friends "reporting" to you about him ask them to stop. It's not going to help you to keep hearing about what he's doing with his life.
Second thing you need to do is NOT date right now. You're wounded. You're vunerable. Give yourself the gift of time so you can grieve the loss of your marriage and heal. This is a difficult time for most divorced people so I understand your desire for company. But its also the time you're least able to make good choices about whom you invest you heart. Spend time with friends, family, or others. Get up and go to work in the morning. Attend a place of worship or spiritual renewal. Dust off an old hobby or find a new one. Go be with other people without any expectation of friendship or dating. You'll soon get through this phase and find it easier to cope with daily life.
As for your Ex, he'll keep cheating. Even if you took him back and closed your eyes to all that has happened, he'd still cheat. Leopards don't change their spots.
Good luck and hang in there. You'll get past this stage and the tears won't be so often.
P.S. A great book to read is "Rebuilding: When your relationship Ends." By Bruce Fisher.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Some commonly misspelled words on this board:
You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?
CL-Wisdomtooth2020