How to get past bitterness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
How to get past bitterness?
3
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:19pm
Hi ladies-
I feel as though I've suffered a major setback. I was doing so well, excited about my future, doing my best to be amicable with STBX, then we made the mistake of being intimate and he also said some very hurtful things. How do I get past this bitterness and anger? I just want to feel normal and be happy. How do I forgive him and move past the anger. I do not want to spend my life being the bitter ex-wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:30pm

Mandi,


Hi. The "blues" will visit you often during divorce. This is a process not a single step or action.


For starters, don't sleep with him again. Ever. Nada. Nyet. No. If you do, you're allowing him to use you.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:41pm
Thanks! I immediately saw how idiotic it was that we were intimate. After I realized he was using me I told him never again. This healing process is so different from any other process. I've been told it's like coping with a death, sometimes harder, and I agree. It's so hard seeing him all the time, and he's been on this kick sending me text messages, just to tell me about what's going on at work. I put an end to that as well. My feeling is, he can't pick and choose parts of me to keep (like the friendship). Even though he has still sent a few rude and nasty text messages I totally ignore them and him. And believe me it's hard! But I refuse to let him engage me or anger me. I'm also reading Surviving Divorce and Separation by Loriann Oberlin and that's been helpful. I'm going to take you advice as well and make that to-do list tonight. The marriage may have ended, but my life didn't, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2008
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 9:30pm

I am trying to focus on what is best for our son and myself.