Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Is this normal?
2
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 6:01pm

I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this. A little background first. The ex & I have been seperated many times throughout the 8 yr marriage. We tried counselling last year, but didn't really stick with it, on both sides. He had an affair & then I did just to get back at him. Anyways, our divorce has been final for 3 months. Now, I still miss him soooo much and he says that he misses me. Should I still miss him? Does this mean we should give it another chance? We have 2 kids together.

Nursemommy
Nursemommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 7:22am

I have two children with my alcoholic STBX too. And there are parts of me that still love him. Still want to love him. But after all we've been through (many separations; 3 DUIs on his part; 8 years of marriage in October; together 10) there is just too much to go back and be a couple or a family.


I know at times I'm lonely. Or I'm overwhelmed with all I have to do on my own (kids, work, house upkeep, misc. BS, etc.) and I think those are the times when I miss that second person, that second set of hands to help. But then when I think about it, I know he was never that great at being my "go to" or backup person. I was always the one who had to still carry the bulk of the responsibility, the bulk of the work, even when we were together.


And then the feelings of lonliness or sadness pass and I know I'm on the right path (divorce) and eventually I will find someone who truly wants to be my partner in this thing called life.


So I guess only you can answer if it would really be different (has enough changed? are you just lonely or sad?) or is it just the other stuff making you **think** the devil you know is better than the devil you don't?


GL! This D path is not easy as you know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 2:32pm
I can see how you would miss someone, esp. the good part, since obviously there must have been some good times in your marriage. But I agree w/ what the OP says--you both might just be lonely and looking at your marriage thru rose colored glasses. I might suggest, that if you think you might get back together, not to move in together, but to go to counseling first and really work at it. Then you can see if there is a possibility or whether the other issues would just all come back.