guilty feelings about using babysitter?
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guilty feelings about using babysitter?
| Tue, 09-30-2008 - 12:04am |
I have been separated for 7 months and my husband has my 2 kids, ages 6 and 13, every other wknd at his home, plus sees them some during the week, mostly at my house. There are stretches of time where I have the girls at home with me almost 2 straight weeks b/c of this arrangeent. So...once in a while, I would like to hire a babysitter on a weekday or weekend night when it is NOT his turn to have them, but I feel guilty about it. Is it appropriate to go out by myself only when they are sleeping at his house? Or is it kosher to go out once in a while when they are at mine?
I have some

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I would not feel guilty if I needed to go out for some alone time that wasn't on a weekend when you STBX has the kids.
Emom13
I would do it. You and your Xh would get a sitter if you were still a couple & wanted to go out, right? And you wouldn't feel guilty about that.
I think as long as it's a quality sitter and you know the kids are happy, then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
I do understand mommy guilt though...I have my own.
Think of it this way, in order to be a good Mom, you have to be good to yourself.
Rachel
I don't see any reason for you to feel guilty about getting some time alone if it's 2 weeks straight of having the kids. If you are going out during the day or for a short time, do you even need a babysitter? my DS is 13 and is by himself after school until I get home from work unless it's a day that he's at his dad's. Most of the time that I got a babysitter when my kids were young, they were girls around 15 or so, so if I got a babysitter for him, he would be trying to date her. lol I can see it if you are going to be gone for a while at night or if the girls would fight, but now that there are cell phones and you know that you could be reached in an emergency...
Just think of it this way, your ex has plenty of free time to do whatever he wants and if your girls aren't feeling bad about you going out, then you must be giving them enough attention when you are home.
by all means, you deserve to go out, but why not have your husband watch them while you're out? Do you have a FROR clause in your separation papers? If HE were to go out, would you prefer him to call you first or go ahead and get a babysitter, maybe someone your kids don't know? If the shoe were on the other foot and you would prefer your husband call you before calling a babysitter, then you should do the same.
But the basic answer to your question is, yes. you deserve to have a life and go out. :)
First Right of Refusal. it basically says that if the child is going to be away from you for X number of hours, you have to call your ex to give them the option of keeping the child. They get 'first dibs' before you can legally keep the child with a babysitter.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks everyone! Your responses have helped ease my guilt. Of course the person who brings it out in me mostly is my DH, with a few choice comments like, "you're never home, the kids miss you". The times I go out are not very frequent, nor do i stay out late, but when I point that out to him, or ask him to pinch hit now and then, he will say, "well, you have custody, so they are your responsiblity." And no, I have no FROR clause in my agreement. It's not even worth the fight that will ensue if i ask him for help much, it's easier to get one of the kids well-liked babysitters to come instead, even if it costs us both more $.
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