Wife is Leaving Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Wife is Leaving Me
1
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 2:53am

After 13 years of marriage my wife has said that she wants a divorce and there is nothing I can say or do to change her mind. We have two little girls. About a month ago we started going to marriage counseling but she no longer wants to continue with the counseling. I have always been very good to her and my kids. She says that in the last year I withdrew from her and she just can't get over that. I have to admit that I have not been the happiest camper with our marriage but I certainly thought it was something that could be fixed as long as we both worked on it together with counseling. Like most men, I struggled with communication with her but she also was not good communicating with me. I love her very much and I will always love her. The thing that hurts me the most is that I thought we had the same spiritual view of marriage that is that it is "for better or for worse, and in sickness and in health". Of course, we needed to both work on the "Love and Honor" part.


I am giving her space right now as we start the process of doing all the paperwork for the divorce. She has told me that she feels that the girls will be fine. I feel like she is underestimating the impact that this is going to have on our two little girls. I am very close with both of them and they love me very much. So as to not impact my little girls, I have moved out of the house so that their routine with school and the friends in the neighborhood will not be impacted. The other thing that really hurts here is that I was really close with her Mom and Dad, and they have not made any attempt to call me. I really feel betrayed by my wife and I think that she is going to find out that the grass is not greener on the other side. I don't think she has anyone else lined up to replace me but I guess time will tell. If she does have someone else lined up it would probably give me (1) a faster time to achieve closure. It would really be shocking to even her Mom and Dad if she had someone else lined up though. My friends are stunned by what is transpiring here with my wife. She tells me that she feels like I don't really love her that I just love the idea of her. My wife and I are both pretty insecure and can suffer periods of depression. Her doctor tried to get her to take some medication for depression and anxiety and she refused. For the longest time I also denied that I needed anything but in the last month seeing how upset my wife was about us, I agreed to see the same doctor and I began taking the same medication that the doctor has originally wanted her to take. We both have very stressful jobs. I have noticed that I am much less anxious since starting the medication.


The bottom line is that I think that one day my wife might want to try to get back together with me, because our marriage really has not been that bad. It is painful for me to have to

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 1:53pm

Unfortunately, this might just be a case of things dragging along until the marriage went downhill and it was too late to fix.