Do you go to church? If you do that is a great place to meet people and get support. Also, if you belong to a gym that can help you feel better with exercise.
I also feel very lonely, but I did something for me Wednesday, I declared it my day. I went shopping bought a new outfit and shoes. Did my hair, put on some makeup. I kept telling my self. I am too good to be treated this way. I know that it sounds stupid, but it really did make me feel better. I still have moments of intense sadness but I kept telling myself I am too good for him and it will be his lost when he wakes up and finds me not there. He is winning as long as he knows you are still upset and he also thinks that if the girlfriend doesn't work out - I can still go home because she will want me. Remember YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON and HE DOESN"T DESERVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loneliness can be a terrible thing. You're in a very painful and trying time in your life right now. Having a husband treat you like yours does makes things even tougher. Of course you want to be held and loved; you're hurting! And having a husband who cheats is pretty hard on the self-image, a real blow to the heart. The one person you've always turned to for comfort and compliments is not really there for you, but you know that: that's why you felt so horrible after sleeping with him.
I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd avoid talking to him as much as possible. He seems to see you as his own ego boost and his fall-back option for bed partner. It would be a kindness for him to leave you alone so you could heal, but I don't think he's going to do that, so you'll have to do that on your own.
Do you have family nearby? If not, do you have family you are emotionally close to? How about friends? No, they won't give you the intimacy you're craving, but the emotional support would be a help. I agree that you need to get out there and meet people, at church or at the gymn or in a volunteer program. Having people meet and like you is a real ego-soother.
Also, try to remember that you're such a wonderful person that he fell in love with you and married you. You're still that wonderful person; he's the one who's messed up.
I know this is off the orig. topic, but don't settle for the EOW & one dinner. If you live close enough that you could see your kids more often, try to work out an arrangement w/ your DW that you can see the kids more. Now even though my ex was the one who wanted the div and I was pretty hurt & mad at that time, I never tried to keep the kids from him. So he basically saw them every other day. He would have them EOW, once a week take them to his house for dinner and then another night, would come by and take them out to dinner and bring them home. It helped that he had unusual work hours--mostly he worked the overnight shift, so he could pick them up from work at 3:00. Since your Dw is the one who wants the div, and it doesn't seem like you have done anything terrible, now is the time to try to get as much time w/ the kids as possible, maybe joint custody. I do think that a lot of guys say they want joint custody only so they won't have to pay child support, but if you emphasize that it's not about the money, but you want to spend time w/ the kids, hopefully she will work w/ you.
I don't necessarily agree w your lawyer's advice that you can't date (I'm a divorce lawyer too). Since your ex has a history of cheating, what diff does it make if you have a date now that you're not living together? Unless the grounds for the div are adultery, most judges really couldn't care less. But that does mean you can't have friends, does it? And friends can be male & female. You could join any type of group or activity & make male & female friends.
Your DH is really a sly one. The next time he says that he's missing you, ask him if he's still going out w/ his secretary. Or better yet, tell him you don't want to hear it, since if he really thought you were so great, he wouldn't have cheated and now it's too late for him to have you. You deserve better.
We all deal so much with the quiet time that used to be filled with our STBX or EX - keeping it filled helps - like others have said go to the gym, church, treat your self - they all help. My STBX cheated for three years
I am too good for him and it will be his lost when he wakes up and finds me not there. He is winning as long as he knows you are still upset and he also thinks that if the girlfriend doesn't work out - I can still go home because she will want me. Remember YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON and HE DOESN"T DESERVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loneliness can be a terrible thing. You're in a very painful and trying time in your life right now. Having a husband treat you like yours does makes things even tougher. Of course you want to be held and loved; you're hurting! And having a husband who cheats is pretty hard on the self-image, a real blow to the heart. The one person you've always turned to for comfort and compliments is not really there for you, but you know that: that's why you felt so horrible after sleeping with him.
I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd avoid talking to him as much as possible. He seems to see you as his own ego boost and his fall-back option for bed partner. It would be a kindness for him to leave you alone so you could heal, but I don't think he's going to do that, so you'll have to do that on your own.
Do you have family nearby? If not, do you have family you are emotionally close to? How about friends? No, they won't give you the intimacy you're craving, but the emotional support would be a help. I agree that you need to get out there and meet people, at church or at the gymn or in a volunteer program. Having people meet and like you is a real ego-soother.
Also, try to remember that you're such a wonderful person that he fell in love with you and married you. You're still that wonderful person; he's the one who's messed up.
Let us know how you're doing.
I don't necessarily agree w your lawyer's advice that you can't date (I'm a divorce lawyer too). Since your ex has a history of cheating, what diff does it make if you have a date now that you're not living together? Unless the grounds for the div are adultery, most judges really couldn't care less. But that does mean you can't have friends, does it? And friends can be male & female. You could join any type of group or activity & make male & female friends.
Your DH is really a sly one. The next time he says that he's missing you, ask him if he's still going out w/ his secretary. Or better yet, tell him you don't want to hear it, since if he really thought you were so great, he wouldn't have cheated and now it's too late for him to have you. You deserve better.
We all deal so much with the quiet time that used to be filled with our STBX or EX - keeping it filled helps - like others have said go to the gym, church, treat your self - they all help. My STBX cheated for three years