How long do I wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
How long do I wait?
1
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 9:21am

This is my first time on the board and I am in some need of advice.

In May I caught my husband having an affair. This was the first physical one he had, but he had a few emotional online ones through out our 4 years of marriage and 8 years of being together. he has been diagnosed as a Sex Addict and is currently in treatment/recovery for it. He is going to online meetings and seeing a therapist about every 3 weeks now. He has had a few slips by that I mean, looking at porn, but it seems now he is starting the talking with woman again. nothing sexual that I have found yet, but wanting to get together with a friend of a friend because he wants the attention.

I have been working on my own Co-dependent recovery during this same time. finding this latest email (which I have not talked to him about yet because he is away for the weekend) is like another nail in the coffin. I can deal with porn, I can't deal with other woman. I am not sure how much of this I can take, but I am also so nervous about seperation and divorce. I haven't lived by myself in so long and I can't afford our house on my own, I don't think he can even do it. and with the house market the way it is, it's so hard.

What have other's done? I wonder if for awhile we can live separately and just be separated..He tells me that he doesn't want that, and that he thinks he won't do as well in recovery because he wouldn't be with me, but I am not doing well in reocvery because I am with him. I think I need time away, but don't know where to go...


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 11:45am

Hey... first of all... you've been patient and working with him during his recovery.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~