$$$ for lawyer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
$$$ for lawyer?
4
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 3:55pm
Does anyone know if you need money up front for a divorce lawyer? I'm in an abusive marriage and want out, but as it is very financially abusive, I have no money for a lawyer. My husband has a good job and secret accounts and I'm sure he has hidden cash somewhere, he nearly always does, but I have no access to anything except what I make, which is not much at all. I called one lawyer that my family thinks I should use, and they said get a packet of papers from them, and bring $1500 and go from there. I'm sure I'll need a protective order and all of that, I've talked to a police officer and several agencies, but none offer the kind of help I need right now. I thought about moving and dealing with the legalities later, but I can't even afford low income housing. My family won't let me stay with them temporarily either, so that's not an option. Basically, I need out, but I need some kind of support for my child and myself in the meantime, and I know it's not going to be offered willingly, because it's pitiful even now. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 7:17pm

I really feel for you because I was in a very similar situation. I think it's very hard for people to understand how damaging financial abuse can be. I made a decent living, but I had virtually my entire check withheld each week because my ex wouldn't pay his income taxes as an independent contractor. That left me with no money for anything. Like you, I had no money for a lawyer, nor were any family members in the position to let me and my son stay in their home. The ONLY way I was able to come up with money for a retainer for a lawyer and a deposit on an apartment was by taking out a loan against my 401k. Without that, I honestly don't know what I would have done. I probably would have just represented myself in court, but I wouldn't have had the thousands of dollars apartments in this area require for deposits.

I understand your family can't house you, but can they give you or loan you some money? If not, there is on option the women on this board were kind enough to forward to me - coabode.com. It's a site where single mothers post looking for housing with other single moms.

I don't think my post has been a great help to you, but I just want you to know other people have been where you are and understand how desperate it feels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 10:45am
Yes, most lawyers will require a retainer up front. Do you have any credit cards in your name? If you are employed, could you get one? Before you consult a lawyer, could you try to get some financial documentation if any papers are around the house--like last year's income tax return. If your DH has bank accts, the interest will be listed, as well as the names of the banks. The same w/ stocks if he has sold anything. If you don't have the bank acct. at home, you could get it from the IRS (irs.gov) if you file jointly. If the lawyer has the names of the banks, he can subpoena the bank records directly. Unless your DH has some accts in foreign countries, it would be pretty easy to find out his assets eventually. If he makes a lot more money than you, you also might be able to get an award from the court that he cover your legal fees. In a situation like this, it sounds pretty complicated, so it is very unwise for you not to have a lawyer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 3:43pm

Hi,


Since you mentioned protective order, I went through the same thing. I live in MD so it will depend on what state you are in but you can go to your courthouse and file a protective order. There should be a list of reasons

Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 7:55pm

If your husband has money in overseas bank accounts the IRS now requires that statements be filed stating where the account is and an estimate of how much is in the account.

Emom13