Never felt more lonely or helpless....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Never felt more lonely or helpless....
2
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 10:57pm

I've been a lurker here and there, looking for discussions that might apply

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 10-08-2008 - 11:14pm
Wow- that is a very difficult situation you are in. In my opinion do whatever you have to to get out from under his thumb and abuse. It's noble that you and your X wanted to give your children "consistency" but from what you have shared it seems like the only thing you are giving them is a very toxic volatile environment. Do whatever you have to. Find friends to stay with and find a job as soon as you possibly can. You'll be in my thoughts and remember that we're all here to support you. It's difficult I know, but by you establishing your independence and ending that relationship will be the best gift you give your children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 10-09-2008 - 2:17pm

What does your divorce decree say that he has to pay? For ex, I assume he has to pay child support. Does he pay alimony as well? Is he ordered to pay the mortgage or car payment? If the house & car are in his parents' names, then does that mean that their names are on the loan also? Then how would you be responsible for paying them? If the car is in their names & you don't like it, you could always give the car back, make him or them responsible for paying the loan & then buy a less expensive car. It's hard to understand the money part of it, not knowing actually what he is supposed to pay. But whatever it is, it doesn't give him the right to tell you what to do or argue w/ you. You don't even have to talk to him unless it's about the kids. Just take whatever money he's supposed to pay and stop communicating w/ him.

As far as a job, since your son is having problems, this probably isn't the best time to work full time unless your sister is responsible enough to take care of him and at 18, I don't know. Are there no jobs w/ mother's hours, like at McDonald's that you could get for now? Otherwise, since you don't immediately need the money, maybe you could use the time while they are at school to get some training so you could get a better job later, like get some computer training, take some college courses, etc. There are definitely programs available for women going back into the work force. Maybe you could start w/ your local community college.

You are right to check into whether you're depressed also. If you get out of the depression, then everything might not seem so hopeless and you can start your plan in working toward the future.