Looking back; right or wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Looking back; right or wrong?
3
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 9:01am

I am going through a crisis

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 8:30pm
You said it yourself--you don't want your exH, you just don't want to be alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 1:46pm

Tewey,


Hi. Welcome to the board.


Yes, I think we all look back and wonder "what if?" after a divorce. I know I did even though I felt I had done everything in my power to keep my marriage going. However, it takes two to make a marriage work. If one "quits" - whatever the reason - there's little chance for a marriage to work.


I will tell you something about getting older (I'm 48). It gets easier! I think once you've gone through the "mid-life crisis" phase and you accept your age you'll discover it's not fatal. As for regretting your divorce, that's normal. What I'd encourage you to do is find a counselor who can help you sort out your "issues" and "needs" and help you through the regret. You'll be in a better position to move forward with your life and you'll make better choices about your relationships.


That said, in the meantime, seek friendship not romance to stabilize your life. I always encourage recently divorced people to pick up an old hobby or start a new one. You'll always find other people who enjoy doing the same thing and therein lies the opportunity for friendship.


Good luck and remember, the path a head of you is largely determined by your own choices. You no longer have to consult a spouse or consider his needs or wants as you go forward.


Best wishes,

CL-Wisdomtooth2020


Some commonly misspelled words on this board:


You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 11:55am

I have second thoughts about stability -- but I have interactions over parenting and I remember how disagreeable life was and how there was no way to withdraw from the fight.