when do you start dating again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2008
when do you start dating again?
4
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 7:17pm

My STBX asked for a divorce about 6 weeks ago. I was relieved b/c had known for a long time that this should be over, but since we have 2 kids, figured it was something I just had to suck up. He is moving out this weekend and I am really okay with everything. We're trying for a very amicable split and really aren't fighting over belongings or the kids.

My question is when is it ok to move on? I met a guy at a party that just made me laugh and I had more fun than I have had in so long I can't remember. But, I am a little concerned about looking like a floozy and moving on too quickly. I know, I should not care what others think but I do. I should say that I have NO intention of bringing any guy around my kids. The worst thing is that I am sitting here hoping that guy will call - ugh.

I know there is no magic number out there, just looking for thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 8:11pm

I think it's a personal and individual decision. My STBX moved out in Feb. (though our marriage was over a long while before then)...so we won't be divorced until 2009 since we have children & my state requires a 1 year separation before they'll grant the divorce.


I've looked a couple of times at online dating sites....and it puts a pit in my stomach. For me I think I'll end up waiting until the divorce is final. Partially because of the pit and partially because I don't want to give my STBX (who is an alcoholic and has enough strikes against him) anything to latch on to and say "she's a bad mother."


I think whoever you'd start dating just 6 weeks after your H left would probably end up being a rebound man. It could be fun, but it probably wouldn't be long term. No harm in that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 10:29pm

How long to wait before dating seems to come up a lot on this Board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 11:12pm

I waited until I was good and divorced.... I didn't want to be seen as the floozy AND for me, it just didn't feel right.


Now.... if you found a new friend, there's nothing wrong with meeting up for dinner on occasion, just be clear about where your boundaries are until the divorce is final.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 9:49am

Thank you so much for your rational, well thought out responses. You are exactly right - the flirting made me feel good and made me feel like I was still desirable. But quite honestly, I can't imagine having time for dating and I really just want to be alone for awhile. I need to sell my house and save money and focus on my kids, my job and myself.

Emotionally - I am up and down. Some days I feel really good and happy and other days, I just feel really sad. I don't, for a second, wish that this was not happening - but the loss of what I thought my future (and my kids) would be is very sad.

I am going to print out your replies and look at them every so often. Thanks!