How would you answer this email?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 10-13-2008 - 8:26pm |
STBX moved out in February. Only started taking our (young) children about 3 weeks ago when I finally pushed us to a formal, temporary order via the court & our attorneys. Since he moved out in Feb. he NEVER calls for the children, never asks about them, doesn't know the school schedule, sporting schedule, doesn't buy their clothes, know their shoe size, etc. etc. etc.
So, last week he sends an email telling me if I need help while I have the kids to let him know (and give him "a couple of day's heads up--WTH is that about) because he knows "12 days straight" is probably "tough" on me (he only has them EOW as he doesn't have a driver's license due to DUIs)....I basically didn't answer that email.
Now today he sends me an email where he wants to know if it's alright if he calls the children every couple of days and what time would be good?
I haven't answered him yet. I feel like he's trying to make himself look good--offering to help in between his EOW visits and now the calls request. I feel like maybe his lawyer told him to do these things?!?! Am I being suspicious for no reason? What would you think?
I want to move to my home state next summer and I feel like he's just doing this so he has a "case" to not allow me to move. I know, I know, maybe I'm too negative or to skeptical...but I just don't know what to think or what to answer (because everything I come up with in my head is SNARKY!).

Whatever his intentions are, he's showing interest in them now. If you say no to any of his demands, that will make you look like you are not trying to foster/hindering the relationship between him and the kids.
As for the calls, I would answer like this: You can call the kids anytime you want--but before (xx:xx pm) (bedtime, bathtime, etc). I always left my ex open to call whenever he wanted to. I wouldnt put it to a schedule except to say before their bedtime.
As for the help offered, I'd politely thank him and keep that in mind for when you want to go out and do something. Let him take the kids.
If you walk the high road now, you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror later. I know you want to be "snarky" now, but believe me....it's much better to keep those thoughts to yourself.
In the end, they are still his kids and if they can have a relationship with him, it's better for everyone in the long run....And nothing can be thrown back at you later (ie. "you kept us from our dad").
Most of the time, allowing them enough rope, they will hang themselves. My ex had a pretty much open visitation schedule and he never used it. My kids knew/know I didnt prevent that. That was all his doing....it's getting better now....
Good luck. Document everything.....
I agree with Debs... ignoring and denying him right now would look bad on your part, so tell him when he can call... and as long as the calls seem productive, then let them continue.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks ladies!
I emailed him this a.m. and said simply, "anytime before 7:00ish--that's when we start bedtime & stories."
So he did call tonight...at 6:55 p.m. He talked to the older child (7) and the younger (3) just listened to him. We'll see what type of regularity he'll be able to keep up with this.