HIS girl problems!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
HIS girl problems!
5
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 11:06am

So, quick summary - he left me after 13 years, two great kids (12 & 5) -- has been wanting to continue spending time/sleeping together when it suits him - of course, I've allowed it because I am a doormat when it comes to him, BUT...shortly after he left I saw him at the Browns game with a girl -- I believe that was divine intervention - that God wanted me to see it with my own eyes, after having "caught" him cheating many times over the years...anyway, he calls me yesterday and I could tell something was bothering him...well, he tells me that this same girl (who he originally told me was "just a friend") won't leave him alone....that she calls him all the time and that she actually went to the park on Sunday where he and I were with our daughter for the afternoon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 11:43am

Here's my advice for how to get through it:

1) stop sleeping w/ him or having any kind of romantic interaction
2) stop spending time w/ him even w/ the kids--he can visit them alone
3) when he starts telling you about his girl adventures, tell him you aren't interested in hearing about it.

I don't know if either one of you has filed for divorce yet, or maybe you are hoping that you can get back together, but make it clear to him that he can't have it both ways--go out w/ other women and have you on the side. He's made his decision and he has to suffer the bad parts of it. Right now, it's all gravy for him--he gets to date and have you around waiting for him. When my ex left me after 13 yrs of marriage, I was devastated, but as soon as he moved out, I put it in my mind that we were never getting back together and I had to adjust to that reality, which was very difficult, but probably better in the long run as we never did get back together, in fact, both remarried, which worked out well for him, but not for me, but anyway, now it's been 12 yrs and we have a good relationship as parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 12:00pm
I know you are 100% right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 12:19pm
Wow, this guy is smooth. He needs to keep you hanging around just in case he gets tired of the cheating & wants to come back to you. Why not turn things around and say that there is no way you would take him back unless he meets your standards? You deserve a lot better. Maybe going to a counselor would really help you out and set some boundaries.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 12:46pm
I would give anything to press a fast forward button and make it two years from now...I just want all of this behind me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 8:43pm
I'm glad you were able to detatch...but NO MORE! You've been kind and patient and friendly enough....now it's time for him to deal with the mess he's made (and for you to move on!). I feel for you...door mat NO more!!! He's a jerk (but not like you don't know that) :)