divorce question

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
divorce question
6
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 3:43pm
someone help me out here...if there was a mutual agreement between you and your spouse about getting a divorce..would you sleep in the same bed till the other moved out? would you attend your kids' games together, in same car? would you attend weddings, birthday parties..etc...together??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-14-2008 - 4:41pm

I actually did sleep in the same bed w/ my STBX for 4 months from the time I told him I wanted a div until he moved out (w/o having sex). It was just that neither one of us wanted to be uncomfortable. The only other options were to sleep on a twin mattress that was on the floor in his DD's former room (and as an over 50 adult, who wants to do that--we could hardly get up off the floor) or to sleep in my DD's room, since she was away at college (but that was only until the end of May). He wouldn't do that, since it wasn't his DD and since she already told me that her mattress was uncomfortable, I didn't want to do it either.

We don't have any kids together since it's our 2nd marriage. I would guess going to things together depends on how well you get along. We did go to a party during the summer to celebrate his nephew's graduation. His brother (kid's father) and SIL were coming from out of state and we hadn't seen them in a long time. We hadn't told anyone we were going to separate and we could act nice to each other in public, so it was ok. If you have kids,it's probably better for everyone if you can put up a front and act nice in front of the kids. Weddings would probably be the hardest thing, since you are there to celebrate someone else's love while you are going thru a hard time. I did go to my cousin's wedding this summer, which was out of state, so that was an excuse for him not to come anyway, but I was glad he wasn't there. I wouldn't have wanted to dance w/ him and when they did the thing at the reception of all married couples get on the dance floor and then they tried to find out who had been married the longest, well, that wouldn't have been fun either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 5:15am

thank you for your response, it has made me feel so much better that i am not the only one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 5:57am

I would not sleep in the same bed, but that's just me. And I know some people have no choice.


I would attend children's sporting events together, but I'd probably drive myself. No to weddings. Birthday parties would depend on the situation (e.g. if it were at his family, probably not).


It's such unchartered waters we find ourselves in...no one can really tell you how to do it for you. Go with your gut though, and be true to your feelings and thoughts.


GL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 8:48am
thank you..i guess whatever makes things easier while going thru this is the best way to look at things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 8:59am

We lived together... and slept in the same bed (no sex) until we sold our house... while the divorce was in process.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 9:10am
thank you!!