Ex that won't go away
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Ex that won't go away
| Fri, 10-17-2008 - 8:57am |
I am not sure if everyone on this board is going through or thinking about divorce or if there are others that are already divorced.

Who would be paying for the daycare if he wasn't watching the kids? If it's him and he's getting the financial break by not having to pay while he's out of work, then you have that to hold over his head, i.e., if he can't be on time, you will have to go back to putting the kids in daycare because you can't be late for work. Actually, if it's at all possible, you should probably just arrange to drop them off in the a.m. all the time since he's so irresponsible. I was actually going to suggest that you not have any interaction at all at pickup/dropoff times, but the kids are kind of little. If he is picking up the kids at your house, you could walk them out to the car but if he's dropping them off it's harder to control. Have you actually asked him to walk the kids to the front door of your building because you are concerned about them getting hit by a car in the parking lot? If you are parking on his street in front of his house, aren't the kids getting into the car on the passenger side?
It seems to me that if him taking care of the kids was his idea, then he should be willing to cooperate. What I bet is happening is that he never had to take care of 2 little kids full time before and it's harder than he realized, which is no excuse for his behavior. But I'm also wondering if he's watching the kids that often, how does he have time to look for another job? Maybe it would be better if he could only watch them maybe 2 days a week, if that's possible for you to find part-time daycare. I would tell him that one more outburst where he swears at you in front of the kids, that you will cut off all contact w/ him in person or by telephone (and you could get a court order to do that) and then maybe you will have to have pickup & drop off in a public place like a police station, which isn't that great of an idea and not that great for the kids, but it's certainly better than having to put up w/ his behavior. If you just start ignoring all his other stuff like text messages, then maybe he'll just stop sending them. (And you can mention that Tampa blew a 7-0 lead over the Red Sox last night, which is why I'm very tired today cause I was up til 12:15 watching them.)
Thanks for the advice.
Well, you are in kind of a tough situation financially. That's too bad.
When I was reading your first post, my thought was that your ex was bipolar. My STBX has bipolar and that pretty much describes his behavior. He could really be a lot of fun, mainly when we were alone w/o our kids. When we were dating, he went out of his way to do nice things for me, etc. Then he would fly off the handle about something stupid and he was always yelling & swearing. I asked him numerous times, esp. when we were going to marriage counseling, not to swear at me. I couldn't even listen to the point of what he was saying, which might have had some validity, when all I can hear is someone saying "F this and F that" which he would also do right in front of the kids. It was unbelievable. I remember one time he was asking his teen DD whether she got some rap songs w/ bad words on her IPod and I said to him "I don't know what you are worried about since she hears those words all the time right out of your mouth." Yes, you can definitely tell when the meds aren't working right because that's when they become more irrational and irritable. There are some good books about living w/ someone w/ bipolar disorder which might be helpful to you. I would say that you definitely have to watch how he behaves to the kids over the years. My STBX was probably a better father when his DD was younger, since for little kids, you can generally get them to do what you want. He was a terrible father when his DD became a teen and went through the usual rebellious kind of stuff--she ended up moving out to live w/ her grandmother and they don't see each other much now, if at all. I don't want to scare you but it's something you have to keep an eye on, more so than someone who isn't mentally ill.