Broken Engagement, How to Survive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2007
Broken Engagement, How to Survive?
4
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 9:46pm

My fiance broke off our engagement last Tuesday evening out of the blue and I am going through a very difficult time right now. I really would just love any support, anyone who can relate, words of wisdom, advice..... I am 33 years old and am so distraught and scared to start over, i was so excited to start a new chapter in my life with a marraige and family, and now its all gone. Ive been crying since it happened. I feel destroyed and betrayed. I left town to stay with my parents and get away (they are very supportive, loving parents), and am here indefinetely. Until I feel somewhat better and can go back. I was laid off from my job a couple of months ago as well, so I at least have the time right now to be here and not have to go to work for the time being (but obviously the job situation just adds onto it all).


Story: He actually broke up with me in a very similar, cold, unemotional

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 7:35am

I know this is a hard and trying time for you right now because any breakup is hard because of the time and emotions we have invested but be glad this has happened before getting married.

Emom13

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 8:26am
You will survive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 1:31pm

Be thankful every day that you didn't marry this guy. I'm sure there were some fun times w/ him or you wouldn't have dated him, but keep reading your description of him and eventually you will see how unhappy your life would have been if you had married him. My STBX has some major issues dating back to his childhood--his father was physically & emotionally abusive to him, his uncle molested him, when he was in high school, he had an affair w/ one of his teachers, then he got married and his first wife died young of cancer after they had a child and he said (I don't know if this is true) that after she died, he found out that she had an affair and the child really isn't his. Although he was in counseling all the time I knew him, it really didn't seem to help much. He had a serious mental illness, but things just kept going back to his childhood. Like if he was upset about something he would say "My father told me I was a F-up." Well, here he was, 50 yrs old and his father had been dead 25 yrs, but his childhood was still affecting him. I always wondered why some people who have bad childhoods can get over that and be much better as adults and why some people can't--I never found the answer to that one.

And the fact that he doesn't have friends & is estranged from his family is a big red flag. My STBX has no male friends. I have friend and am close to my family. So every time I would want to get together w/ my girlfriends, I felt guilty about it, even though he wouldn't complain, cause he never did anything. It put some burden on me cause I felt like I had to be 100% of his support group. We didn't even have couple friends. Now I have to make an effort to make more female friends. I wouldn't say he is estranged from his family, but he hardly makes an effort to see them. His sister lives an hour away from us and we might see her 2 times a year--I have never been to her house in 8 yrs. Then his brother moved to another state some distance away to get married and they didn't even talk on the phone for about a year--he had tried to call, the brother never called back, so his attitude was "well, he knows my number, now he can call me." I just couldn't understand that. My mother & most of my relatives live an hour away from me, yet I see them a couple of times a month. If I ever got another boyfriend, I would want to know if he had friends and was close to his family. I think people who can have other relationships are much better at having romantic relationships too.

I see how you can be devastated. Your dream of marriage & children has been dashed, but it's still possible to have that. Unfortunately you met the wrong person first. It's not too late. Now that you have to look for a new job anyway, you can really think about what you want, not related to him--what kind of job you want, where do you want to live, etc? It will definitely take some time to get over him, but eventually you will be able to move on. I agree that going for some therapy sessions might be helpful. The thing is that the last time, you chose someone who was obviously bad for you--you might want to investigate why, so that next time, you can choose someone better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 2:37pm
I am