I think my marriage is over

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
I think my marriage is over
3
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 9:11pm
Hello, I am a newbie to this type of board. I am having the worst night of my life. I think my marriage just ended a few minutes ago. My husband had just walked out the door. The day started normally until we both came home from work. I logged on to the computer to send photos to my family and stumbled upon a couple of sexy pictures of girls that he looked at before from random sites. I completely blew out of the water because I thought he would be open to me about this stuff. Then I found out that he looks at porn sometimes. We talked about this before and I told him that I don’t care as long as he’s honest with me that he looks at it. It’s been a couple of years and I happily thought that I kept him so satisfied that he didn’t need to look at it. Or so I thought. When I found out about it tonight, it made me even more furious. I always thought he could be open and honest to me about these things. He never once told me that he still looks at porn or sexy pictures. In fact, I think he deletes the history and other files to maintain this “illusion” that he doesn’t search for this anymore. I would not be upset if I knew he does this every once in a while. I said some really nasty things to him and one that crossed the line. I told him to leave and he left. I am heartbroken and sobbing as I am typing. I am scared and in need of advice if this marriage is salvageable and what could be done to potentially save it. Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Mon, 10-20-2008 - 11:01pm
Hi gal. Sorry this is going on with you. I'm new to this board so there are probably many here would have more experience with these kinds of things. My guess would be that your husband not telling you about the porn is not so much a lack of trust in you, but embarrassment in himself. Even in marriages people still have a part of themselves they keep secret. It would be great if this were a perfect world and that were not true, but it isn't. As far as size of secrets go, this probably isn't that huge of one. I think you should try to work this out. But I do think you should ask yourself if there's not something more you're feeling. Would you really end a marriage over just this or are you feeling a lack of trust from him in other areas as well? Just a thought and good luck with whatever you decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 12:17am

I agree with momofmandn. Would you really end your marriage over some porn? It seems like a silly thing to end it over. I mean wouldn't you rather he look at porn on the computer than other real women? Or is there something else? Are you looking for a reason or excuse to get out? Are you really unhappy in the marriage and using this "lie" as a reason to end it? I think some introspection is in order. Good luck figuring out what it is you want, but as someone who has been walked out on, don't use this as an excuse - be honest about what the real problems are, it will be better for both of you if you just have the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 2:40pm
It seems that you have this opinion that if your DH was satisfied w/ you, then he would never need to look at porn. W/ a lot of men, that really isn't the case and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong w/ you or w/ your marriage from his POV. Maybe he didn't want to tell you cause he knows you would be judgmental about it. I think there's a diff between looking at it sometimes and being addicted to it, which to me would mean that he couldn't get any satisfaction unless he used porn. I wouldn't have a problem w/ this personally. I think it's better than contacting actual women on line or going to hookers. Before you throw in the towel, please consider going to marriage counseling.