I am losing all hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
I am losing all hope.
18
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 4:48pm
I am going to be 40 in one month and am getting a divorce. He left me, and I have had two miscarriages and no kids, no healthy family (all alcoholics and in mental hospitals). I escaped them, worked my out of there through lots of schooling while working FT. Yet here I am, alone, no kids. I can barely function at work, I think they think I am nuts there after my constant leaving to go cry in the bathroom. Can't afford to take time off or lose this job. Have a therapist, but the pain grows and hope diminishes more everyday. What can I do? I want to die, I can't stand more empty hopeless days. I was keeping busy until now, now I can't do it anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 5:24pm

I know what it is like to feel completly alone and in so much pain. i can tell you things are not easy but they do get better. Please take some time to think and focus on you and all that you have done and overcome throughout your life. Life is a work in process just be sure to love yourself -


take care and post often- it helps to know that others are thinking and praying for you


((((I will )))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 5:35pm
Can I second the previous post? I know it's likely the most overused phrase you'll hear when going through a divorce but it's so true- things will get better. It's okay to mourn and feel sad, too. I know you feel alone, but know that you have all of us on this board and we are here anytime you need to talk or vent ok?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 6:34pm
((Hug)) You will be ok. I know how it hurts. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 12:13pm
You must be a strong person to have survived a dysfunctional family, going to school & working full time, etc., so you can survive this too. Does your therapist suggest going on some anti-depressants? If she's not an M.D., she can't prescribe them, but when you say that you want to die, someone should be listening to that and taking it seriously, even if you know that you wouldn't actually commit suicide. It could be that taking some meds temporarily will help you. If not, maybe you can find a divorce support group and just being w/ some others in your situation might help. I know it's hard to get through work--when my ex told me that he wanted a div, at that time, I was teaching one college course at night school and trying to stand up there & talk for 3 hrs when inside I just felt numb was pretty hard. I hope you have some friends in the area you can talk to. Sometimes you have to just get out of the house and do things that will get your mind off your problems, like exercise, do an activity, and avoid romantic movies and songs--a comedy would be good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 7:20pm

THANK YOU!


I can't believe others have gone through this and survived. Thanks for sharing your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 7:22pm
Thank you, I am trying to hang on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 7:23pm
Thank you so much for your kind words, I am trying to remember that good things can happen again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 7:26pm
Thanks so much, yes I have been on antidepressants for several months (and was on them in the past), some days they seem to help, others nothing helps. The worst thing is the insomnia, which even with sleep meds makes me wake up early and feel exhausted all day. I am trying to hang on, it is just really bad right now, but I really appreciate your response and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 2:24pm
I absolutely agree with MusicLover12's response. You are not "nuts." You are depressed. I have been going through the same thing: random bouts of crying usually triggered when all those negative thoughts about my divorce and life situation come into my head. I have been isolating myself from others, thinking I would rather not be on the planet, feeling stupid for not realizing that I was wasting the last 15 years of my life being less happy than I could be, and not being able to get to sleep or stay asleep. I haven't been able to complete tasks at work, and have been suffering a noticeable (even to my bosses) loss of short-term memory. All these things are signs of depression, and there is help for it through talk therapy, exercise, and medication. If your therapist is not an MD who can prescribe medication, go to your family doctor and tell him your symptoms. I just went to mine last week for a medication adjustment and he also "prescribed" going out with friends as often as practical and exercising three times a week for a half hour. I have been depressed at some level for years, so I know what I'm talking about. I just realized that it had gotten alot worse (during the divorce)when the renewed crying, problems with short-term memory loss,and insomnia really problematic. When I told the doctor I thought the memory loss was from menopause, he had a good laugh! So there are ways around this; if you get to feeling really hopeless, you can always call a suicide hotline for help. THERE IS NO SHAME IN BEING DEPRESSED. But YOU have to be the one to seek help. And who knows what the future might bring; maybe a happy family with stepchildren!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Sat, 10-25-2008 - 11:53pm

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