THE NEW MRS. RIGHT ALREADY
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THE NEW MRS. RIGHT ALREADY
| Fri, 10-31-2008 - 9:22pm |
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with the new mrs. wonderful once youre divorced? Actually, this woman was in my H's life way before our divorce (found out later)..and is now a constant fixture every nite...every spare second. He has waived visitation to be with this woman..now wants to see our daughter less and less saying he needs his 'free time"....Openly flaunts their relationship by telling me how committed he is to her and how this is the "real thing"....funny, I've heard that before. I happen to know this woman--in fact--we were friends and she was the one who introduced me to my now ex and her now lover. How do you get over the anger, pain, humiliation...and at the same time keep your dignity? I'm afraid this will end in marriage---he tells me they are discussing it--by the way, we were just divorced last month. She has been married five times each time right out of one and into another and by the way, she was married too and he ink on her divorce is hardly dry.

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Mama,
Hi. This is probably one of the most difficult transitions you'll navigate through the divorce aftermath. It's a new rejection and betrayal all rolled into one. So, please know it's "normal" to be as angry and as hurt as you feel right now in the wake of this revelation about your EX's "new love."
Here's my observations and advice for what its worth.
First, please recognize something interesting about your EX. So, he dumps you and probably said something stupid in the process like "I want my freedom." Right? Well, what does he do, he runs right into a new relationship (or cranks up the flames on an existing one). Does that sound like being "free" to you? Nope! He's just running away from whatever issues he has and hoping the next woman will have all the answers.
Second, sit back and watch the show! This woman has been married and divorced FIVE times? LOLOLOLOLOL! Your EX is an idiot! What makes him think he won't be No. 6?!!!! (Nothing, he WILL be No. 6! Just as soon as she gets bored with him or rips him off, she'll be onto No. 7!!!!!).
My best advice is twofold:
1)Find a
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
My heart goes out to you; I wish I knew how to get through this, too. My ex is also touting his new fiancée as *perfect*, telling everyone he's indeed *upgraded* and she's young, gorgeous, does all the things I didn't do, etc. Was just invited to a college homecoming party and saw his name and +1 guest, my heart sank, don't know why? We've been divorced since May '07 & I live in another state. don't know. He's getting engaged on a cruise with her over the Thanksgiving holiday. I know all the terrible things he did while we were married, just at a loss as to why does this still affect me so?? Some individuals can successfully move on after divorce, why is it so difficult for others like me? Especially when I was mistreated and the person was 100% no good for me. Yet, now I'm obsessed with his life, envious that a woman gets to rear my sons, and constantly wondering what is it that I didn't do that she's doing? Why is he allowed to move on and be so happy, partying, going on cruises, in love, soon-to-be married, in-tact family, while I feel I have nothing, lost everything?
Again, my heart goes out to you. I'm in the process of seeking counseling; this is just too much to bear sometimes, feel like I'll never get a break?! Good women finish last I guess.
Hang in there; I'll do the same ...
{{{Hugs}}}
Seems like you have a lot of anger, rightfully so. My situation is different as my STBX's "OW" is alcohol...but I too have a TON of anger. Anger that he broke up our family. Anger that
Hi Mama,
I've posted on here rarely & I'm de-lurking to offer you some support and empathy :)
We still share the same place due to finances and work together. We have a store together. He is seeing this person who is half his age, literally, although he has always denied it. Stating that he could never be interested in someone that young.
Yet he texts her and they have met for coffee, lunch, I don't know exactly.
I gained weight due to the store and stress, etc and he throws it in my face that I am fat. (I;m a 4, but yes, I am pudgier now) She is young, cute, etc. B******ch,
Sorry, I am so numb, scared for th e future because I have no finances to get out of this now.
I know he's on the phone with her now. Even though we're through, can't he at least speak to me on the phone to say hi.? He's been gone for a few weeks due to work.....
It's so rough. I thank God for my friends. I'm lost otherwise
Oh hon, I know how that feels. I put on a couple pounds after I met my husband also. He professed for 6 years that it didn't bother him, he loved me for me, blah blah, blah... but after his affair last fall he started harping on me about my weight - it was a complete 180 degree flip almost overnight. It's funny, eeryone else that I meet or that knows me tells me that I am by no means fat... but he threw it in my face on a daily basis for about a year. Makes you feel awful, doesn't it?? What a shallow attitude...
Is there anyway to extricate yourself from him, the living situation and the store? Is there a friend you can stay with until you get on your feet? Maybe start looking for a job so you can opt out of the store and get your own place. Start thinking in terms of moving on with your life without him. You can't go on like this, it's torturing you, I can tell.
When I left, he wanted me to live there with him and just sleep in separate rooms. I couldn't live like that -
Why is that when a woman quickly moves on or in with a man after separation or divorce that everyone says nasty things about her (for example; she has to have a man, she uses men, shes not strong independent etc...) yet when men do it a lot of ppl don't say those things. What a double standard. No one seems to say that stuff about them. I think they should...
I don't have enough experience in this to give advice. (I am new to being on my own, haven't started dating and am kind of praying he finds someone so maybe she can help him grow up or just leave me alone. While kind of being sick at the ideal of him with someone else. Their was a lot of emotional abuse control issues and my ex was a drug addict though.
I know it might not help but for what its worth. You sound like the caring compassionate one. the one that was actually a good spouse and a good friend. Your so called friend doesn't sound like she could be a good friend to anyone let alone a decent choice to be in a relationship with. they both sound terribly immature and selfish to me. Neither of them seem to care who they hurt. What goes around does come around.
You should be so proud of yourself and admire the qualities you have. you don't mess around with your friends husbands. You cared enough about yourself your ex and your children to try and make things work. Sounds like your ex has issues that tired old line about her being "the real thing". Is his way of not accepting he cannot make a relationship work work with a caring compassionate woman. So to cover up his mistakes he needs to make it out like you weren't good enough. When in reality you were better than he deserved. Personally to help with the feelings your having if it were me I would make a reminder list of her bad traits and actions and his. Then a separate list of all the incredible things about you. When your feeling bad look at it. People in your life who truly know you, him and the other woman already know the truth. that you have no reason to be humiliated. This shame is on him and him only.
You have stayed by your daughter through this. Would never put her on the back burner for a relationship. So it already shows who is the more devoted parent. Your dignity is in tact. You didn't cause this to happen. You deserve better and it will come. They same time heals all wounds. I know that doesn't help now, but I'm hanging on to that thought for dear life right now. Everyday is 1 step forward. And maybe if you review that list of his bad qualities and what he didnt put into your marriage and his parenting each time you want him back, well sooner or later you might be able to decide he isnt worth the effort of waiting and be able to move on with that part of your life. I have 3 favorite quotes that are helping me right now. Don't know if they will help you but here they are;
~K
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Anonymous
To start off it sounds like so many of us women are in the same situation...we fall deeply in love with these men that don't treat us right and we just keep believing in them that they will change, and they may for a little while, but then right back to what they were pulling us down with them.
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