Need advice for my brother

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Need advice for my brother
2
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 11:16pm
So, my brother has been married for two years. He has been with his wife for about a total of 8 years. Well... I guess about a month ago they started having major problems. He didn't really tell anyone except my husband who is his best friend. There is a lot to the story but I guess she says that she is not attracted to him anymore and she doesn't "lust" after him. They work for the same company but at different locations. I guess there is a guy that she has been spending a lot of time with. He asked her if something happened between them but she says no. She is not a mean or bad person but she is very selfish and self centered and it is always about her. I guess my brother has made a lot of changes in the last month to please her and make her happy but she hasn't really made any effort. They did both decide to go see a marriage counselor. So, they went yesterday morning to the appointment. After that she left and went shopping for 6 hours while he wast my parents house. Then she came back and I guess she was really rude to him in front of my parents. And then they left and on their way home she goes by the way I am going to go out with a friend tonight. And he is like are you kidding me? You are going to go out after we had a counsoling appointment. She really didn't take into his feelings at all and she just left and went out. So... he called my mom and told her everything that was going on and she asked him if he wanted to come over. So, he went over and then my husband and I went over to talk to him. I feel so bad for him because he was so upset. He is still so in love with her and wants to be with her but he doesn't know what to do. I have never seen my brother in tears like that before. It seriously broke my heart. Well... she calls him around 1145 and is like where are you? And he goes I am out. Since you left I decided not to stay at home. And she goes well if I had known that I wouldn't have come home tonight. It was just a really rude conversation. We told him to just let her stay home alone for the night because she was a big girl. She has been playing with him emotions for the last month and half and it just isn't fair. I am trying not to say anything bad about her because he does want to try and work things out with her. I just really don't know what to do for him. He went back home this morning to talk to her and he spent about two hours talking with her (not sure what was said) then he left and went back to my parents and she went to her parents. He did go back home this afternoon so I hope that they are able to figure things out because I know he does love her so much. I feel so bad for him because I have been through a similar situation and it just breaks my heart. I don't know what to do for him. Anyway, I know this is rambling but I just want to take all of his pain away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 1:09pm
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do except let your brother know you will support him no matter what he decides to do. I think that giving the play by play to the family is a mistake however. It's hard since your DH is his friend, but if he keeps telling the family every thing he has an argument w/ his wife about and then they decide not to get a divorce, I think it will be very hard for all of you to remain friendly to her. I think the best thing you can do is keep encouraging him to go to marriage counseling, or indiv. counseling for himself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-05-2008 - 10:37pm

I agree with musiclover... listen... and encourage him to stay in counseling even if she won't go.


And... sometimes keeping a marriage strong is about going off shopping with friends and doing your own thing... but you also have to RESPECT your partner when you do it, and her behavior.... then his reciprocating behavior... wasn't respectful to the relationship or themselves.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~