I have lost control

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
I have lost control
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 11:06am

I feel like I have lost control of my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-18-2007 - 2:08pm

Welcome to the board, Jessica.

Yikes, you have a very full plate right now, Jessica. No wonder you feel as though you have lost control.

What I usually do when I am in a situation similar to yours is take deep breaths to ground myself and reduce the panic. I have a panic disorder, and when panic sets in, I can't think straight at all. So it's important for me to stay grounded and objective.

What works for me is to make a list of the things that I am concerned about. I then try to take three steps back in order to be able to see the big picture and I brainstorm about possible solutions, which I write next to each item (did I tell you that I'm forgetful?). From there I can see what could work and what would not, and come up with an action plan. When it's difficult for me to step back, I take my piece of paper and pretend that I am facing a client who has come to be with problems that I need to troubleshoot.

School --> is there a school counsellor you can talk to about your concerns? What about getting a tutor to help you with the subjects you are struggling with? Are there study groups you can join? Why are you struggling at school? What kind of a learner are you? Are you more visual or aural?

Relationship --> what are our concerns (what's different now, and is it different in a good way or a bad way). What are the ways you can feel close to him during this month apart?

Health --> what's happening? Have you seen the doctor? Is the dieting affecting your health? Have you seen the doctor? Since you are on a diet, are you eating well-balanced meals, and are you eating enough calories. This might also be a reason why you are struggling with some subjects, especially since you are working full-time and studying, too. I've worked in the hospitality industry, so I know the work it entails.

Car --> what are your options here? I am glad that you are okay, car accidents are scary!

I hope I haven't scared you. Every Monday, Suffy 78 posts a thread with our weekly personal goals. Maybe this could be a tool that you can use? You are also more than welcome to discuss what you are struggling with, what obstacles you are facing, etc. It's more than likely that someone here might have gone through something similar, and they can share their experience with you. And if you need a hug, we're pretty good at that!

I hope this helps, and I hope that we will have the honour of getting to know you better in the weeks to come.

Please visit these other great message boards:
Interracial and Interfaith Relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 5:12pm

Thank you for your reply! It really means alot to me that you took the time to evaluate my situation!

School-- I could get with the counsellor but I work during their office hours. I dont do will in study groups, and I am a visual learner!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 7:58pm

I am very sorry that you are having a streak of challenges. Most of us hit a series of things that do not go our way. Try and keep your sense of humor as it can help you cope with some of the problems. Sometimes, it helps when I can laugh at myself and some of the things that happen to me.

The good news is that when you see a series of problems the odds are in your favor that you will see some blue sky shortly. Just take it one day at a time. One problem at a time. Dental hygiene sounds exciting and a great career. You are obviously a talented young lady and have much to look forward to. God bless and keep the faith!!

Avatar for iamroxi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 10:21pm

My suggestion would be to call your school's counseling office and talk with them about making an appointment with someone during your non-working hours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 1:18am

Hi Jessica,

With regards to the counsellor, you could do it via email, too as the most important is that you have the conversation, the support and receive information. How this conversation happens is flexible. It doesn't hurt to ask the counsellors if you could work this way.

Roxi had some good insights for you regarding study groups and tutors!

Health - if you are depressed right now, then stay where you are at the dieting but do to continue to eat regular and well-balanced meals as these will help you with the depression. Make sure that you eat foods in a variety of colours and textures. Do you exercise? Exercise has been proven many times over to help mild to moderate depression. I think that if your depression starts to alleviate even a bit, you'll have better self-esteem and self-confidence and you will be less emotionally needy, too. It's one step at a time, one day at a time, right?

DO reach out and talk to people about the blocks and difficulties that you are having. Talking and sharing with others help, especially with those who understand what you are going through. What has helped you in the past to keep safe? I also keep a list of things that I can do to ground myself, because when I get to a certain level of anxiety, I freeze and forget all my coping skills. Here is a link to a thread in the SI board with some coping ideas. I have a similar list on the other boards I CL, but the one on SI is just the most complete for the time being. Maybe you'll find something that'll help you: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhselfinjury&msg=8149.1&ctx=128

Car accidents are scary and I can fully relate to the emotional consequences of vehicle accidents. (((((((hugs)))))))

Jessica, we're here if you need to talk and if you need extra support. Just come and post, even if it's to ask for a hug. We're all good at giving hugs here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 2:19pm
Thank you all for your support! I am still feeling stressed with school but other things are kind of starting to look up. I put my car in the shop, broke up with my LD boy...I could do much better...he wasnt there for me when I needed him the most he just stopped calling! ASS! As for the depression it will always be there in the back of my mind I am on meds for it but sometimes I just get over whelmed with life! It is hard to be strong but I am trying and this helps!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 12:40am

I'm glad that at least the other things are starting to look up for you! Sorry to hear that you broke up with your BF, but if he wasn't even calling you when you are going through a difficult time, then ouch!

Whenever you feel stressed out, come back here to talk and vent!