Wills and stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wills and stuff
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 2:41pm

Okay, by now you probably would have guessed that I've got a lot of thoughts surrounding death. So far this year my family and I have lost nearly two handful of friends and family. I am also spending my days amongst people who are very sick with cancer. All of this makes a girl *think*, ya know!

* Do you have a valid will?
* Does your family know you have a will and where it's kept?
* Are you an organ donor? Have you informed your family and friends about this?
* Does your family know who to contact (friends, colleagues, etc) in case you are ill or should you unexpectedly pass away? I ask this because I have sets of friends my family and other friends don't even *know* about. It's not that I've kept the friendships secret, but these are friends I've made when I was living abroad, and people who are still living abroad. And I telecommuted, too - my family knows who I worked for but they have no idea how to contact them (unless they have a look at my business card, which I haven't given them lol).
* Have you written out what your wishes are in terms of burial? Again, I've been through so many funerals this year, each different. My parents have told us what they want, but more information comes with every discussion. My brother has also stated what he wants as I have. I'm the odd one out (I want a cremation), so it was important to let them know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 1:57am
Since my dh's death everything has been taken care of.
Avatar for iamroxi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 10:05pm

Let me add to the list for you, you forgot a couple there:

Do you have a living will?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 7:40am
Wow, sadly to say this is something I haven't even planned for myself in regards to a will.
Avatar for iamroxi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 8:33am

And why is it we arent comfortable talking about death with each other?

I realize that many of us have differing religious beliefs, and sometimes wonder if thats the issue altogether with that discomfort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 8:57am

DH and I don't have a will, but we've discussed what we want.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 8:40pm

Yes, to all of the above. And a living will. And a health care proxy. And guardians for my girls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 09-24-2007 - 11:55pm

I don't have a will and we really should at this point. I am an organ donor and my family knows my wishes as far as this is concerned. They also know I don't want to be kept alive by machines if I am unable to communicate with them. I have tried to discuss these things with my DH, but he refuses to discuss it with me. I hate to push the issue, but I know it is coming to that point. My sister knows what I want as far as a burial and who to contact and all that. I know I want to go back to NJ to be buried, but I have not chosen a place yet. I will not make any plans until I can get DH to put in his 2 cents because obviously I want to go where he does.

I am sorry to hear you have had so many deaths personally touch your life Poppy. It sometimes happens like that unfortunately. I seem to lose people in my life in bunches to when it happens and it really sucks. I am here if you need to talk. Take care.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 11:48am
We've done some of these. Not all, though. One of the biggest things for us is where to be buried. being a dual national family - sometimes it's tough to decide where home is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2002
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 12:56pm


I know it is so hard on a family when there's no will, no plans made, and coming up with $ for funerals, interment, caskets ... I worked a job for a short time with a company that sold pre-burial plans & it hit home.

Not that I have done anything about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 3:43pm

Poppy, I'm sorry to hear you have lost so many people from your life this past year.

I don't have a will. I know it's something I avoid, but should take care of. Truth is, I know it's something hubby and I will argue about, and we will probably have totally different wills. He has 2 children from a previous marriage, and my mom freaks about leaving her things (mostly money) to me and having them split between those children too. I really don't want to argue with anyone about it. I figure I took on the responsibility of those 2 children when I married him -- but it does still make me think because they also have a "mom" that can leave them things in her will. Okay, that's not going to happen -- she won't have anything to leave, but that's not my fault either. So, it's a bit complicated, but more than anything else, I don't want to argue with hubby about this. I sort of feel like whichever one of us lives the longest will take care of it as we see fit. I definitely want all of his children to benefit, regardless of who dies first ... and as far as my moms concerns, I've asked her to just take care of her grandchildren in her will (that takes it off my shoulders).

I am an organ donor. That's on my license as well.

I think between hubby, my parents and my best friend, they would know everyone to contact in the event of my death. I also keep a phone book updated with current addresses and such. As far as what I want -- I haven't quite figured that out myself. Originally, I wanted to be buried. Now, I'm not so sure. I know my parents and my hubby all want to be cremated, and suspect that's what I'll want in the end too. I definitely don't want anyone looking at me laid out, and hubby knows that.