Update on uncomplimentary boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Update on uncomplimentary boyfriend
3
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 2:40pm
Thanks Ladies, for your wonderful posts. You give the best advice and insights. My boyfriend sent me an email on Saturday and said he'd call me on Sunday. He was in a crummy mood and wanted a cooling down period. He called me Sunday afternoon and he was really nice. I could tell that I had hurt him. He thought things were going really well and was surprised that I was feeling any disatisfaction. To make matters worse, he had been out with his friends Friday night and was making his brags about what a good relationship he was in and then I burst his bubble by expressing my displeasure with his lack of verbal affection. I think I hurt his ego.

He didn't make me feel bad for thinking those things and acknowledged my feelings. He didn't get defensive or go on the offensive. He just wants to put this spat behind us and move forward.

I'm going to try to not be so insecure. It's hard for me. I think I'm having my midlife crisis at age 33. I definitely will not send him any emails that I'll regret later. I'm going to try and have fun and not worry about things. I feel secure that he's faithful and loyal to me and that's a good thing. We don't get to see each other all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 3:14pm
I'm glad that the two of you are still together. Email is such a wonderful thing, but can also wreak havoc. Never say in an email something you would never say to someone's face. Sometimes it's easier to say what we are trying to say by writing it down, but email is waaay too impersonal to have a go at deep feelings. He may have been hurt that you would rather send him an email than bring this up to him in person. Perhaps next time, write him a letter, but deliver it in person. That way you can say what you need to, but you have a chance to talk about it with him right away.

The fact that he was bragging about his relationship with his friends, AND that he told you that is a great sign! You need to figure out why you still feel insecure, and you need to talk to him about it. You have a great thing going, try to enjoy it. The next time you hear your sabotage voice, stand up to it!!! Tell it that you are happy, tell it you have a great guy! You cannot sit around waiting for the bad things to happen just so you can say, "see? I told you so!" to yourself.

So, move forward and grow with him.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 5:23pm

He sounds like a really great guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:23pm
Thanks. I'm going to settle down and try to enjoy the relationship a little bit more. We'll see how it goes.