cheating on a sexless marriage
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cheating on a sexless marriage
| Fri, 07-02-2004 - 12:56pm |
I followed a link from another article that Tara had shared and caught this Q&A on sexless marriages. I thought the woman's situation was very intriguing and unfortunate, but was suprised at the response the therapist gave... to me it is almost as if she is all but encouraging the woman to launch on affair? or atleast it could be perceived that way by a woman in this type of marriage.
What would you do in this situation? Leave or cheat? Read for yourself and tell me what you think...
What would you do in this situation? Leave or cheat? Read for yourself and tell me what you think...
http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/sexcoach/qas/0,,180190_94219,00.html

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It sounds as if she took it from the point of veiw, that the marriage was already over.
It is an interesting topic though.
Kim
Cheat or Leave? What would I do? That's easy -- leave. Why is that so easy for me to say? Becuase I've been cheated on -- twice. Once by my husband of almost ten years who cheated on me when I was pregnant with our twins, and the other time was by a boyfriend of two years who cheated on me with my little sister, and eventually married her. Unless you have been cheated on, you can't know how horrible it makes you feel about yourself. The lying, the sneaking -- it's a terrible way to live. After the second time, I went into a deep depression and was almost suicidal. The only reason I am here today is my love for my twins and years of counseling. But that was a long time ago, and I have moved on, in both instances. I just know the pain that cheating causes, and I would never want to do that to anyone, even a husband that doesn't want to have sex with me. I do feel sorry for that woman or any woman in that circumstance. All I am saying is why cause more hurt. End the relationship and move on with her life. Unless, of course, she is ok with no sex and wants to stay in her marriage. I also think that when there are problems in a marriage, both parties should try to work things out. But it seems from the article like counseling was tried and things did not improve. Then I think she should move on. I just think that cheating complicates things and causes added hurt to an already hurtful situation. I know -- been there, done that.
I disagree that the therapist is telling the wife to cheat. I think she's saying (from what I read anyway) that she applauds this woman's strength in realizing her marriage is over and getting out before she cheats.
Oh and I saw the new wifey today when I picked up Dylan and she'd better watch it. She will be next. Her butt has gotten BROAD!
Mel
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I guess if it were me, I would choose to leave before I would take up having an affair with someone. I could never live a double life like that and have peace of mind. Not to mention what it would be teaching my daughter.
But what if you didn’t have to hide it? What if the hubby was ok with you having a sexual partner as an outlet? I don’t think it’s a good idea…especially because it is extremely hard for a woman to enter into an ongoing sexual relationship with someone and not develop an emotional attachment. I think it would be a long road to lots of heartache for both sides. JMHO
I have thoughts on this, because I've been a wife in a sexless marriage, married to a man that would withhold for months on end and just plain avoid me.
I don't think it would be a good idea either.
I agree.
Me personally? I would NOT cheat. I would leave before I would do that. But leaving would only happen after a GREAT deal of therapy. I might even move out and continue therapy for a time.
Sex in marrige has turned out to be a MUCH stickier situation/conflict than I ever thought it would be. I have a MUCH higher drive than J, and it causes a great deal of conflict for us. We're having to constantly work through it. But having a husband who can't love me if he's having sex with me? I can't fathom sticking with that for long. To me personally, that is NOT a marriage. That is a man who cannot be a husband to me.
...extramarital affair or full-blown relationship to sustain his or her sexual self and yet maintained the marital foundation. That is sometimes the only way to keep going when all else has failed. ~~~ To me personally, there is no point in this. If the marriage is failed, it is failed. Don't have an affair. Just leave. To me, the basis of the marriage relationship is trust. Even if the other spouse knows the their DH/DW is having an affair and gives their "ok" honestly what is there in the marriage besides a friendship? I can have that with someone outside the bounds of marriage and not have to deal with "having an affair to satisfy my sexual self".
Just my two cents.
Becky
I liked what you said about a spouse making another comfortable about coming home. I think that is the role of both partners. To work together to create a loving environment.
It is NEITHER spouses "perogative" to quit having sex if that's what they want. I would never agree with that statement.
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