Going Crazy!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Going Crazy!!!
6
Sun, 07-11-2004 - 9:44pm
Okay, so I've been trying to be okay with me and my SO not being together and everything, But I have to say that my SO is one of the most gorgeous men I've seen and it makes me sick sometimes when I see him because he is so beautiful. He is one of those brief model body type of men, accept a little more muscle. He is a tanned Latin man with the most beautiful brown eyes and a smile that can be on any tooth whitening comercial and it makes me SICK!!! I melt everytime I see him!! I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but everyone sees it. My sister says he is one of the best looking men she's ever seen. We've been trying to be really good with just speaking on the phone, but this weekend he went to the beach. While he was down there he called to tell me that he loved me and missed me and that he wished I was there with him. He said he was looking at hotels, and wanted to pay for my stay if I can arrange to go with the girls for the weekend. He said he would like it if we could go, but I'd probably say no....I have to say ladies, I'm to weak to say no right now!! I admit it!!!! I haven't been on vacation alone since I was 19 because I didn't have anyone to take the kids(their father was barely around) and because of money.

Recently their dad has been taking them every other weekend and now that I'm 28 I think I deserve it (don't you) and I planned on going, but it's so hard for me to save with 4 kids!! Anyway, he came home today, and before going to his house he headed straight to mine. I was shocked to see him at the door...even more tan, and looking so good!!! He said he had to see me and asked if we could talk. It has been extremely hot around here, and we were sitting in my living room when he took off his shirt after he asked if it was okay. OH MY GOODNESS!!! I acted like it didn't faze me and just talked to him and we sat holding hands, and he just sat looking at me and telling me he missed my beautiful face!

I find myself going crazy now thinking how badly I want to kiss him! All he told me was that he missed me so much and that he had to see me. He wasn't pushy, he brought presents for the kids as usual and he just kept telling me I was beautiful. Luckily I was looking pretty cute today! I bought a little red sporty skirt at the mall for myself yesterday and had it on with a little white tank top. I thought I might have gained a little too much weight to wear something like that, but I looked nice. ( I'm not a big girl, for having four kids, I only weigh 126, but I'm hispanic, so I have J-Lo syndrome, but he likes it..HA!)If I gain weight, it goes on the hips. But anyway, back to him... I just had to vent because I can't stand it! He knows his chest is my weakness.. WHY DOES THIS MAN DO THIS TO ME?? It's torture! I wish I hadn't seen him because now I feel like I'm back to where I was and wanting to be with him and it hurts. I'm depressed, and this cheesecake is almost gone!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: ybaby25
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 10:52am

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: ybaby25
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 12:56pm
I know - Jack does that to me - To me he is the hottest thing ever. Just thinking about not being with him...ugh.

BUT there is more to life than beauty. Unfortunately our criteria for dating needs to be a little more involved than that. Personally I think you can do whatever you want IF you don't have any expectations. That is my problem. I have them - I can't help it. Anytime things are "fixed" it is only temporarily. Eventually you get the point that it is ridiculous and no amount of sexy chest flashing will fix it.

If you give in you are setting a tone for your relationship though - how will he take anything you want seriously if you are not strong enough to remain focused on getting it? Beware of giving in without getting something back!

((((HUGS)))) I feel for you believe me. Right now I am just rying to get in as much sex as possibile before I have to dump him on the 9th (well I will techinally be dumped since I gave him the ultimatum)

As you can see I am expecting the worse - men really need to hit rock bottom before they see the light - I haven't met ONE yet that didn't - but then don't we have to as well (otherwise that body wouldn't be driving you wild LOL)

GL!

L

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: ybaby25
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 1:57pm

I'm sorry but this sounds like some sick game the two of you are playing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
In reply to: ybaby25
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 4:07pm


In January, I ended a relationship with a man that was verbally abusive, but I knew that if I continued with him, he probably would have hurt me. I changed the locks to my house so he couldn't come in. But he still called. And I still talked to him when he called. While you have a situation where your ex is "the most gorgeous man in the world", my ex wasn't that -- but he did have something he could use to get to me -- my house. He was a carpenter and an auto mechanic. My house is over 40 years old and my car was 10 years old. Whenever anything went wrong with the house or the car, I called him for help. Until one day a friend of my sat me down and told me that if I didn't cut off all contact with him, he would always be in my life. She was right, and she gave me the kick in the butt that I needed to get tough. I stopped answering his calls. On the night before Easter, he showed up at my house, yelling and acting stupid, so I called the police. He left before they arrived, but that was the last time I had contact with him.

First, you have to decide if you and him are really over. Sounds like you're not sure. Second, if you are sure, then you have to cut off ALL contact. If he calls, hang up or don't pick up the phone. If he comes to the door, don't answer it. If he e-mails you, delete it. And if he still doesn't get it, get the police involved. The more contactyou allow him to have with you, the more he will try to sweet talk you and worm his way back in. He knows your weak spots, and he will use them against you. I know this sounds harsh, but like I said, it worked for me. The situations are different, but like I said, my ex used my weak spots to get to me. He would say that I would never make it without him, that I would lose my house, all my money and my kids. Fat chance. The only thing I lost when I kicked him out was all the stress and depression I had when he was around. Please be tough for you and for your kids. I know it sounds harsh, but you have to get mean or he will never get the picture. Cut off all contact and he won't be able to bother you any more. Good luck.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
In reply to: ybaby25
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 7:14pm
Yes, we agreed to be friends, that's why we decided not to see each other but we still talk every now and then on the phone. Our converstaions have been about general things, how work is, the kids, and everything. I refered to him as my SO, because until I feel that I am ready to stop loving this man, I won't consider anyone else. He has been good to me, although the situation at hand is a tough one. I understand about his parents, mine were the same way for years, and it's really hard to tell an old spanish man, you're doing something that doesn't agree with the church! Believe me!! But, that's why we put an end to it. If things work out later, great, if not than we will still be friends. It's just that when I see him, my heart melts. It's harder to walk away when he's in front of my face. I don't think he's toying with me, I really think he loves me. But he also knows that we have to do this right. Him saying that he wished we can go is because he knows that I don't get to do many things, and he used to love being the person to take me to new places, like concerts, amusement parks, and other things like that(I've had a deprived life for a long time). That's why I think he offered to pay for me to go with my friends. He wants me to able to do things still. He never ASKED me to go, he said he wished we could go. He knows I wouldn't. I've never been one to back on my word about something. He knows that. No matter how much, I secretly suffer and miss him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
In reply to: ybaby25
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 7:41pm
I haven't seen him in a while before this. I just had to make it clear too, that a long time ago we decided to keep sex out of this relationship. I don't honestly believe that he would come here thinking that I would have sex with him, when we didn't base our relationshipon on that. I know, I'm speaking about a MAN here, but he knows me a lot better than to think I would give in just because he looks good. That's not me. There's no doubt about how attracted I am to him, but also it's more so the way he looks at me. We've literally sat for time on end, just staring at each other and saying nothing. For the last year, this man has done everything to try to make me the happiest person, and I love him for that. He has always been there, and I know he will continue to be. Even, if it's just on a friendship basis. I know right now we can't be BEST friends or if we'll ever be close enough to be friends without feelings, that's why I keep him at a distance, but I know I can rely on him if need be. I do however want it all, that's why we are not together. He knows that, and he knows, I'll never settle for anything less than what I want. I did it for too long with my ex-husband, and I did it long enough for him, thinking that we could work toward telling his family. But once I put my foot down, there is no going back. I can't do it because me and my children deserve better. He knows how strict I am when it comes to doing what I say. But, sometimes I just want to go into his arms and say everything is okay. And it kills me that it's not, and it might never be, but I have to deal with that.