Is He Ready? 8 Can't-Miss Clues
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Is He Ready? 8 Can't-Miss Clues
| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 5:14pm |
This article was suggested in the Relationships CL newsletter.
| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 5:14pm |
This article was suggested in the Relationships CL newsletter.
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How do you think you can find out if he has issues with being a step dad - is there a way to tell from the beginning or do you have to wait and see? Maybe there are others with stories to share?
The men I have dated have not seemed to have an issue with this - although one potential suitor told me that from the beginning and then he was no longer a suitor!!
THATS WHY I AM SO CONFUSED- see below---
His Oat-Sowing Days ARE Over!! (I know he desires only me.)
He's Financially Independent! The guy couldnt be anymore financially independant)
He's Discovered His Desire
to Be a Dad- (HE is a GREAT father to his kids and definitly steps in to help out and care for mine - for example and this is just one there are SEVERAl- he took out time to show my boys how to ride bikes - taught them in over an hour- my boys were sooo happy and roud of themselves- also he threw my boys birthday party at his house and he did all the cooking and preparing)
He's Your Boyfriend in Name -- Your Husband in Spirit
April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League, explains, "When a man is ready to become a husband -- your husband -- he starts acting like a husband. For instance, he will make plans for the future, introduce you to his friends and family, and not only call you daily but want to tell you the details of his day and have a desire to hear about yours."
(He defintily checks off on this- I mean he is taking me to San Fransisco to meet his family over Labor Day weekend)
He's Not Marriage Material If He:
Says he has no interest in
tying the knot. (He has never said this- in fact we have talked about that we want this in the future)
Buys a Porsche. (HE is very conscious about all his spending-much better at that than I am in fact!)
Calls his married friends "losers." (Nope never talks bad about anyone)
Continually makes you cry. (He never degrades me or makes me cry intentionally- NEVER)
AMEN!!!!
That was one of the best articles I've read on this board. VERY timely. Thanks for posting Maggie. Sherry couldn't have been much clearer.
It's interesting too, to compare J with those points. He was at EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM including your addendum re: being a step parent. He had a HUGE green light. I guess I didn't realize it at first. ;)
I have an example. I was dating a younger guy once. He was MUCH younger. And he brought up Ty and the fact that whomever I married some day would be a step dad, regularly. He seemed very uncomfortable with THAT thought, even though he loved my ds and played with/hung out with him regularly (Ty never knew we were "dating"). I think he kept trying to convince himself.
Which was stupid because *I* didn't see him as a keeper. He was borderline FWB. We had a great time, fooled around and THAT WAS IT for me.
So, one day he said to me "Ty's going to need a dad some day. I don't think I can ever be that and I am feeling really pressured, so I think it's best if we stop seeing one another" LOL!!!! I was like "ooookkkkaaaayyyy. No problem" We stayed friends. He was just totally freaked.
The first time my now DH met Ty, he was on the floor wrestling with him and being a buddy. And w/in 2 months was talking about wanting to help raise him. He took a very active role in Ty's life, and was actually "parenting" to any degree that I would allow it very early on.
Pretty big difference huh?
Trav and I hit on all those. And those were things we talked about in that 2 month "just talking" time...how he wants to settle down in the near future, how he's getting his retirement in order. He hasn't introduced me to family yet (no opportunity with him overseas) but he told me a lot about them. He doesn't want to be a dad, particularly...but I don't want a "dad" for my kids. He is ok with the "mentor" role, and being a friend...and that's what I want for them.
The idea of being at the right place at the right time is intriguing. I remember hearing before that people (men and women) were often perplexed that they always seemed to be the "person BEFORE the person their date married"...
I think Trav was ready to be a one woman man before me, but the lady he was with didn't stick with him. He's going to have to beat me off with a stick to get rid of me. LOL...ok, not really but you know what I mean.
Lizbeth, because of most of what you write about Jerry, his very responsible, conscientious behavior with his own children's feelings (they're going through a very hard/new situation with mother's new lover moving in or fiance'...they barely know him, right?),
Thanks!
Mel
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How do you think you can find out if he has issues with being a step dad - is there a way to tell from the beginning or do you have to wait and see? Maybe there are others with stories to share?
Hi west, it's a process of dating and weeding out I think....it's hard to tell sometimes.
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