I know how you feel. It is hard when you feel like you do all of the hard work and then you watch your son's dad come in with all the glory and fun. I think this is the classic example of the single mom and the Disney World dad. It is this way with us as well, along with most divorced couples I know.
I think it is natural to feel the way you are feeling. But maybe it would help if you tried to look at the situation in a more positive manner for your son.
First of all he is VERY LUCKY to have a devoted mom like you that is there for the most important stuff every day. I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. Children need a stable home and that is an important foundation.
I remind myself every day that I am so lucky to be the one in my son's life for all of the day to day details. The payoff is the privelege of putting him to bed every night and watching him grow. I also know I do a great job and I view my position as very positive and important. My son is 8 so this might be easier for me now because we can spend a lot of time talking and we are having a great time now - it is much easier than when he was your son's age. I think you will have this to look forward to.
Second of all, you have to see the importance of your DS having his father in his life. It adds to his life - it does not take away from that or what you and your DS have together. The time they spend together is fun and it gives you a break and like you say, time to miss him.
I think your biggest problem that you have to overcome is the way you look at your situation. You must focus on the positive and not compare yourself to his father. Your son has 2 good parents who are both involved in his life in the best way each can contribute.
You know all the right answers here. You KNOW that DS knows who "bandages his boo boo's" and makes his meals, and puts him to bed at night, and will be getting him off to school. He's not a dummy. Getting new toys and attention and fun things IS FUN and he's milking and enjoying it for all it's worth. But that won't buy his affection.
My DH was an every other weekend son to his dad ALL HIS LIFE. And all his life his mom was a bitter ranting vengeful woman, becaues dad was "fun time dad" and she had to do all the dirty work. Now? Well, in spite of the fact that she doesn't deserve the honor, the boys (J and his brothers) honor her because of her sacrifices for them. (it's wearing thin right now because she's really playing the martyr, but I am CERTAIN you'd never do that to your ds) They know dad was fun...and un-dependable and not committed to them beyond those weekends. He gets back what he dished out.
You said re: the bedroom makeover "I'm not sure DS will appreciate that nearly as
I can't add much to the other responses because I agree with everyone. I just wanted to give you the pat on the back that you so richly deserve. Know that you are doing a great job, and although it doesn't seem like it sometimes, IT DOES MATTER. There was nothing in your post that I haven't experienced, thought or felt myself at one time or another. I have my twins every day, for what I consider all the hard stuff, and their dad has them on every other weekend for fun time. And I know sometimes my kids think I'm "mean", but I know for a fact that if they had a choice, they would be with me every day, and prefer not to go to their dads. That gives me a great deal of satisfaction. It makes the hard times easier to handle. And as for your son's room, believe me, whatever you do to it, he will love it and he will appreciate it in his own way. Try not to let what your ex does bother you. Instead, focus on some things that you and your son can do together when he gets back. And after a few days with you, he will have forgotten all about what his dad bought him on his vacation. Big Hugs.
I know how you feel. It is hard when you feel like you do all of the hard work and then you watch your son's dad come in with all the glory and fun. I think this is the classic example of the single mom and the Disney World dad. It is this way with us as well, along with most divorced couples I know.
I think it is natural to feel the way you are feeling. But maybe it would help if you tried to look at the situation in a more positive manner for your son.
First of all he is VERY LUCKY to have a devoted mom like you that is there for the most important stuff every day. I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. Children need a stable home and that is an important foundation.
I remind myself every day that I am so lucky to be the one in my son's life for all of the day to day details. The payoff is the privelege of putting him to bed every night and watching him grow. I also know I do a great job and I view my position as very positive and important. My son is 8 so this might be easier for me now because we can spend a lot of time talking and we are having a great time now - it is much easier than when he was your son's age. I think you will have this to look forward to.
Second of all, you have to see the importance of your DS having his father in his life. It adds to his life - it does not take away from that or what you and your DS have together. The time they spend together is fun and it gives you a break and like you say, time to miss him.
I think your biggest problem that you have to overcome is the way you look at your situation. You must focus on the positive and not compare yourself to his father. Your son has 2 good parents who are both involved in his life in the best way each can contribute.
Hug Hug Hug and Hug again.
You know all the right answers here. You KNOW that DS knows who "bandages his boo boo's" and makes his meals, and puts him to bed at night, and will be getting him off to school. He's not a dummy. Getting new toys and attention and fun things IS FUN and he's milking and enjoying it for all it's worth. But that won't buy his affection.
My DH was an every other weekend son to his dad ALL HIS LIFE. And all his life his mom was a bitter ranting vengeful woman, becaues dad was "fun time dad" and she had to do all the dirty work. Now? Well, in spite of the fact that she doesn't deserve the honor, the boys (J and his brothers) honor her because of her sacrifices for them. (it's wearing thin right now because she's really playing the martyr, but I am CERTAIN you'd never do that to your ds) They know dad was fun...and un-dependable and not committed to them beyond those weekends. He gets back what he dished out.
You said re: the bedroom makeover "I'm not sure DS will appreciate that nearly as
I can't add much to the other responses because I agree with everyone. I just wanted to give you the pat on the back that you so richly deserve. Know that you are doing a great job, and although it doesn't seem like it sometimes, IT DOES MATTER. There was nothing in your post that I haven't experienced, thought or felt myself at one time or another. I have my twins every day, for what I consider all the hard stuff, and their dad has them on every other weekend for fun time. And I know sometimes my kids think I'm "mean", but I know for a fact that if they had a choice, they would be with me every day, and prefer not to go to their dads. That gives me a great deal of satisfaction. It makes the hard times easier to handle. And as for your son's room, believe me, whatever you do to it, he will love it and he will appreciate it in his own way. Try not to let what your ex does bother you. Instead, focus on some things that you and your son can do together when he gets back. And after a few days with you, he will have forgotten all about what his dad bought him on his vacation. Big Hugs.
Donna
Hi Mandy
I can totally understand how you're feeling.