school girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
school girls
2
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 8:27pm
I'm reading this book for a class called _School Girls_ and it's got me staying awake at night and rethinking where I want to send my daughter to high school! I went to an all girls' school and I hated it while I was there, but I'm way better off because of it. this book I'm reading is filled with story after story about girls playing dumb for boys, teachers ignoring girls, girls deferring to boys in labs. _I'm_ a teacher and it's a concern of mine, that I reinforce these behaviors. It seemed at odds with the convent life, that these nuns were dedicated to God, but can't serve mass, etc., but they really taught us to love each other, to respect each other...we respected our womanhood and the sisterhood. Sometimes I meet women who tell me that they've never really had a woman friend, it's sad. We were the jocks, the cheerleaders, the journalists, the choir...not having the boys around did force the shyer ones to step up.

What do you guys think of your own high school experiences as women? Do you believe that we live in a society that is ambivalent of female achievement, proficiency and independence? Does our culture devalue the qualities it projects on us like nurturance, cooperation and intuition like Orenstein describes in her introduction? And more importantly what do you think we as mothers can do to fight what society is projecting on our children?? My DD's stepmother has her thinking about her weight and clothes and hair at seven. Give me a break.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
In reply to: downbythebay
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 9:43pm
I attended a private catholic high school and liked it okay - for as far as you can like school ;-)

I think that book is way off from today's women. I would say that whatever you model for your daughter will suffice. And the more positive female (and male) role models she can have in her life the better. She has to learn to have her own self esteem and hopefully this is from what she can do instead of how she can look or how she is treated by a man. It is important to care about your looks but that should be the icing, not the cake.

I was always taught to be self sufficient. I had a very successful early career in a male-dominated world (culinary arts/chefs) and I never once thought of being female as a handicap - I worked like a man, laughed with the men and had many men as friends. I was treated as an equal because I performed as an equal or better. But I never crossed the line and gave up my feminity. I could hear and laugh at a dirty joke, but I never told one or acted foul. My work was good, I treated my employees well and they made me look good.

I would concentrate more now on your daughter's talents and what she can do with them in the marketplace. Make her believe in herself. Teach her manners and grace with a touch of empathy and class. And she will fly!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: downbythebay
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:10am

Hi Bay, I think it's a very valid subject.