I agree and I don't agree with the premise that cohabitating is not the same level of commitment as marriage. I know some gay couples that have been denied married and have been together for 26 years/30 years. What does a legal document mean to them other than the political point? I have a (lesbian) friend who didn't rush to city hall with her partner when they had the window of opportunity to get married because they weren't there in their relationship. No one bats an eyelash in this part of the country if you have two moms or if your parents never married. But for me, there are different levels of commitment and living together is one level and marriage is another. My SO and I both agree that we were ready to cohabit after one year of dating, but nowhere near ready to get married.
Interesting article and much more balanced that some I've seen as it really gives the impression that it is an individual decision and one size does not fit all. You've probably heard me talk about it on the board so I won't go into a lengthy rehash but when dh and I moved in together we were emphatically against marriage, ever! Although we also were looking at our arrangement as permanent. However,we hadn't lived together for very long before we both started readjusting our views on marriage and yes, I think for many couples there is always a little nagging insecurity when you haven't gotten married, no matter how married you feel by your living together agreement.
Anyway, we felt like it was the right thing to do for us though we did have a year long engagement so we'd lived together for about a year and a half before getting married. And we had carefully planned the transition to living together as well for dd's sake.
An interesting aside about some of the legal stuff though. In CO, common law marriage is recognized and very easy to achieve, even without making a concentrated effort, so at some point, legally we would have had to get divorced if we split if there was any kind of disagreement over who got what or there was any joint property at all and (absolutely mandatory if you have children together) even though we didn't sign on the dotted line to begin with.
I simply posted the artice to see everyones view on this and gather all opinions and perspectives because it is an issue I am thinking about and Im sure there are others out there too. So thanks for being open enough to share your thoughts.
I do not have an opinion on this. I find it changes. Months back I felt "I will never get married again" - "who needs a piece of paper to define your relationship" "that living together is the same as marriage" --now Im starting to see the medical aspect- the public formalized commitment- the kids aspect - Im still not firm on where my stand is but its got me thinking anyway.
"You know that part in the article that says that kids often find themselves in the difficult position of explaining their living arrangements?"
Yeah . . . Jojo deals with it every single day. And he will for quite some time, I'm sure. Most kids these days do not live with their mom and dad. Jojo is constantly explaining that TT is his step-dad, that he has two houses, etc., etc. That will never change.
I just don't agree that kids who's parents live with their SO go through more/worse than kids who's parents are remarried/single/etc. when it comes to making explanations.
It didn't seem to phase dd at all. It was simply that now she and Mom live with MG. She thought it was super cool actually because for her, suddenly she had a real sense of a stable two "parent" household. But that was I'm sure because of our particular situation but . . . In her school, most of the kids do live with both their biological parents so at first it was kind of funny because she'd tell schoolmates she had 2 dads and they'd say no way nobody has two dads! But to her that was even cooler; she had a bonus. And even with us being married, if someone asks because of the different last names, she has to explain that Dad (who to her is as much her dad as if he'd been in the delivery room) is actually step-dad.
I am fully aware that divorce and living together is far more acceptable - as far as society goes - here in the West vs. the South or the Midwest. I know tons and tons of kids (preteens, teens, including my niece) that have no sense of shame, confusion or embarrassment over saying "I live with my mom and her boyfriend." It's very much the norm here.
That is an interesting article but I must agree with Maggie. I would never live with someone before marriage.
Here is a website I found fascinating with an article that would present the other side.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - but think in the interest of discussion it is good we all share our views. That is what helps us all learn and exchange ideas here.
Anyway, here is the article AGAINST living together:
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It was an interesting article.
Anyway, we felt like it was the right thing to do for us though we did have a year long engagement so we'd lived together for about a year and a half before getting married. And we had carefully planned the transition to living together as well for dd's sake.
An interesting aside about some of the legal stuff though. In CO, common law marriage is recognized and very easy to achieve, even without making a concentrated effort, so at some point, legally we would have had to get divorced if we split if there was any kind of disagreement over who got what or there was any joint property at all and (absolutely mandatory if you have children together) even though we didn't sign on the dotted line to begin with.
I simply posted the artice to see everyones view on this and gather all opinions and perspectives because it is an issue I am thinking about and Im sure there are others out there too. So thanks for being open enough to share your thoughts.
I do not have an opinion on this. I find it changes. Months back I felt "I will never get married again" - "who needs a piece of paper to define your relationship" "that living together is the same as marriage" --now Im starting to see the medical aspect- the public formalized commitment- the kids aspect - Im still not firm on where my stand is but its got me thinking anyway.
Yeah . . . Jojo deals with it every single day. And he will for quite some time, I'm sure. Most kids these days do not live with their mom and dad. Jojo is constantly explaining that TT is his step-dad, that he has two houses, etc., etc. That will never change.
I just don't agree that kids who's parents live with their SO go through more/worse than kids who's parents are remarried/single/etc. when it comes to making explanations.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Just to clarify again, in my post I wasn't talking about young children like Jojo and Andrea's dd.
I am fully aware that divorce and living together is far more acceptable - as far as society goes - here in the West vs. the South or the Midwest. I know tons and tons of kids (preteens, teens, including my niece) that have no sense of shame, confusion or embarrassment over saying "I live with my mom and her boyfriend." It's very much the norm here.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Interesting article.
Like Maggie, said, don't take my comments personally anyone.
Here is a website I found fascinating with an article that would present the other side.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - but think in the interest of discussion it is good we all share our views. That is what helps us all learn and exchange ideas here.
Anyway, here is the article AGAINST living together:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html
Cheers!
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