A call to arms (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
A call to arms (long)
8
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 7:54am
I am sure there are others who feel the way that I do. It would be impossible to believe that no one feels this way. But I have decided to do something about how I feel and I need your help.

I was driving to work this morning and decided that the best way to deal with all of the chaos in my life is 1) join a support group 2) write out my feelings (which is my best form of therapy) and 3) write a book.

I have hit so many road blocks in the last couple of months. Same old sad story. Father not paying child support, bills not getting paid. I have had enough. I'm taking control.

The thing that hit me was there are probably women in my situation who just give in and give up. It's degrading to hit a wall so many times that you knock yourself out.

I'm sure none of this makes sense, so I'll explain. The child support system in Ohio is adequate, but that's not enough. I'm sure you've all been there: unsympathetic case workers or technicians who have no clue what they're doing. I realized that there are women who aren't getting the support they need (financial or otherwise) just like me. I'm lucky. I am more informed than the average person. I am a paralegal and I went into this profession to protect myself in the first place. Now, I'm at a point where I feel I need to help myself and help others at the same time.

All I want is to hear other women's stories. Get information. Write it out. If it turns into a book deal, great. If not, wonderful. At least I gave myself and others the chance and hopefully some great information to help.

So, that's it. Let me know what you think.

Allyson

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:07am

I say go for it!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:04am

"I have had enough. I'm taking control."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 12:35pm
From what I understand, the state of Ohio received a $33 million grant that is supposed to improve the child support system. It's going to take alot more than that. Not only is Ohio one of the remaining 10 states to put the ball in the counties' court, but they just dumped medical health insurance verification into the caseworkers' hands. We have a state wide system that distributes the support, but I could sit here and list the glitches that have occurred in this system. Even the Obligors who are willingly paying for their children's support are being penalized due to computer "error". The caseworkers are underpaid, understaffed and their support staff is undereducated. I've butted my head so many times against the machine I have a permanent dent!

I've bugged assistant district attorneys, numerous caseworkers and techinicians. I've pointed out countless times to the "right" people that her father is self-employed therefore he is his own employer. They either don't listen or ignore what I'm saying because in the next breath, they'll tell me they need to contact his "employer".

I need a way to help myself, and if this is how I can do it and help others, so be it. And if I do get published, wouldn't he be embarrassed? Ha!

Allyson

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:20pm

Good luck to you! I look forward to hearing how it goes.


MY ds had a dead beat sperm donor as well. In 6 years we received a total of 1500 dollars at the most. And honestly, that's probably being generous. It's a guess.


He accumulated 37,000 in arrearages, had bench warrants, couldn't renew his license or get tax refunds (that was part of the little bit I got) and STILL refused to pay anything. Of course, he wanted to SEE his child...occasionally. On his terms. But when I moved several states away he didn't argue. Finally, they were ready to put him in jail and he called me in a panic.

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:43pm

Sounds like a great idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 7:05am
Allyson,

I think this is a wonderful idea, never mind a useful and positive approach to something that is difficult and unfair for a lot of women.

My counselor told me that my sole focus in life should be to manage everything so my ex feels like a part of my son's life and keeps paying child support. He says it is easy to get his wages garnished and stuff like that, but if he misses payments it is almost impossible to get those back. He has watched so many women struggle with this and says it really ruins lives.

I am lucky and realize that now after reading so many posts where moms don't get a cent and they really struggle.

It would be fortunate for all of us to have a book written by a paralegal mom who has experienced this first hand. I think you have something going and wish you well.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 10:43am
I think it's wonderful if you would like to do something like write a book. It's a lot of hard work though and takes a lot of time and energy if you can go through all that, but if you are someone who motivates yoruself, then of course it's a great idea.

My storie is not like most, two girls, from two different fathers, none pay child support.

Same reason for both: If one father doesn't pay, why should the other?

Great little idea their guys!

What can I do about it? Nada. I live in freaking Europe, so I have no way to get ahold of my deadbeats. A lot of paperwork filing, lawyers, MONEY, anger, and time goes by,by and by and still nothing. YET! Both refuse to give up parental legalization. (I think that's what it's called.) Jerks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:15pm
First, let me say that I think it's a GREAT idea that you are taking control back. Good for you. And good for your child, too.

And while I think writing a book is a great idea - what would the book be about? Other womens' stories? A how to guide? A book of inspiration - a "don't give up" type of book? A book listing resources state by state?

My thought is that it can't be a how-to guide - because laws vary SOOOOOO much from state to state. The child support system here in Nevada SUCKS. Our child support is handled by a poorly funded division of the district attorneys' office - not by the child welfare department as it is in numerous other states. There are no case workers, there are no technicians. There are attorneys, paralegals, legal secretaries, and constables - who handle the service, hunting down, etc., etc. I have never had to deal with it PERSONALLY - because I don't receive support (I split custody of my son with my ex 50/50 - so I don't need it.) But I know from working in family law for 2 years (eee gads - I hated it) that the system is super difficult to navigate - and NOT adequate - at all. A book would be wonderful - but it would have to be written by a person that has incredible knowledge, preferably first hand - of the Nevada system. And also - here in Nevada - laws vary from county to county. There are 16 counties in Nevada. A book detailing "how to" in Las Vegas (Clark County) would be totally worthless to a woman living in Reno (Washoe County).

Keep brainstorming . . . . I'm sure you can come up with SOMETHING!

Best wishes!