A call to arms (long)
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| Tue, 07-27-2004 - 7:54am |
I was driving to work this morning and decided that the best way to deal with all of the chaos in my life is 1) join a support group 2) write out my feelings (which is my best form of therapy) and 3) write a book.
I have hit so many road blocks in the last couple of months. Same old sad story. Father not paying child support, bills not getting paid. I have had enough. I'm taking control.
The thing that hit me was there are probably women in my situation who just give in and give up. It's degrading to hit a wall so many times that you knock yourself out.
I'm sure none of this makes sense, so I'll explain. The child support system in Ohio is adequate, but that's not enough. I'm sure you've all been there: unsympathetic case workers or technicians who have no clue what they're doing. I realized that there are women who aren't getting the support they need (financial or otherwise) just like me. I'm lucky. I am more informed than the average person. I am a paralegal and I went into this profession to protect myself in the first place. Now, I'm at a point where I feel I need to help myself and help others at the same time.
All I want is to hear other women's stories. Get information. Write it out. If it turns into a book deal, great. If not, wonderful. At least I gave myself and others the chance and hopefully some great information to help.
So, that's it. Let me know what you think.
Allyson

I say go for it!!
"I have had enough. I'm taking control."
I've bugged assistant district attorneys, numerous caseworkers and techinicians. I've pointed out countless times to the "right" people that her father is self-employed therefore he is his own employer. They either don't listen or ignore what I'm saying because in the next breath, they'll tell me they need to contact his "employer".
I need a way to help myself, and if this is how I can do it and help others, so be it. And if I do get published, wouldn't he be embarrassed? Ha!
Allyson
Good luck to you! I look forward to hearing how it goes.
MY ds had a dead beat sperm donor as well. In 6 years we received a total of 1500 dollars at the most. And honestly, that's probably being generous. It's a guess.
He accumulated 37,000 in arrearages, had bench warrants, couldn't renew his license or get tax refunds (that was part of the little bit I got) and STILL refused to pay anything. Of course, he wanted to SEE his child...occasionally. On his terms. But when I moved several states away he didn't argue. Finally, they were ready to put him in jail and he called me in a panic.
Sounds like a great idea.
I think this is a wonderful idea, never mind a useful and positive approach to something that is difficult and unfair for a lot of women.
My counselor told me that my sole focus in life should be to manage everything so my ex feels like a part of my son's life and keeps paying child support. He says it is easy to get his wages garnished and stuff like that, but if he misses payments it is almost impossible to get those back. He has watched so many women struggle with this and says it really ruins lives.
I am lucky and realize that now after reading so many posts where moms don't get a cent and they really struggle.
It would be fortunate for all of us to have a book written by a paralegal mom who has experienced this first hand. I think you have something going and wish you well.
My storie is not like most, two girls, from two different fathers, none pay child support.
Same reason for both: If one father doesn't pay, why should the other?
Great little idea their guys!
What can I do about it? Nada. I live in freaking Europe, so I have no way to get ahold of my deadbeats. A lot of paperwork filing, lawyers, MONEY, anger, and time goes by,by and by and still nothing. YET! Both refuse to give up parental legalization. (I think that's what it's called.) Jerks!
And while I think writing a book is a great idea - what would the book be about? Other womens' stories? A how to guide? A book of inspiration - a "don't give up" type of book? A book listing resources state by state?
My thought is that it can't be a how-to guide - because laws vary SOOOOOO much from state to state. The child support system here in Nevada SUCKS. Our child support is handled by a poorly funded division of the district attorneys' office - not by the child welfare department as it is in numerous other states. There are no case workers, there are no technicians. There are attorneys, paralegals, legal secretaries, and constables - who handle the service, hunting down, etc., etc. I have never had to deal with it PERSONALLY - because I don't receive support (I split custody of my son with my ex 50/50 - so I don't need it.) But I know from working in family law for 2 years (eee gads - I hated it) that the system is super difficult to navigate - and NOT adequate - at all. A book would be wonderful - but it would have to be written by a person that has incredible knowledge, preferably first hand - of the Nevada system. And also - here in Nevada - laws vary from county to county. There are 16 counties in Nevada. A book detailing "how to" in Las Vegas (Clark County) would be totally worthless to a woman living in Reno (Washoe County).
Keep brainstorming . . . . I'm sure you can come up with SOMETHING!
Best wishes!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/