Wednesday Woes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wednesday Woes
3
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:08am
Is something bugging you or getting you down this week?
Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:50am
Wednesdays are supposed to be the light at the end of the tunnel days right? Argh. It's only 9:30 and it's already been a day! Started out great and then everything started falling apart. Just little stuff, ya know. I was running right on time, did some brief toning exercises since I'm feeling self conscious about my figure and don't believe in dieting. Dd was being good. Then everything started falling apart. Tried on 3 pairs of pants to find one that felt good and looked halfway decent (I'm kind of struggling with weight issues right now because I'm heavier than I'm used to but still at 120-125 and 5'6" probably a healthier weight than previously so probably actually losing much weight isn't a good idea and dh thinks I look good but . . . if it's not what you're used to) , told dd to bring her brush so I could redo her hair and she kind of sassed that she didn't have her shoes on yet which for some reason just ticked me off, then took out her braid to redo her hair and had a ton of sand fall out onto the floor in my vanity area--I've been keeping her hair braided at night so it isn't so hard to comb out since it's super thick and the tangles can be nightmare, so lost it over that. Then of course, I'm feeling awful for being psycho b' mommy when I've got such a great kid. Ended up running late again when we've got all this drama with my company going on anyway, and get out to my car to find out that the rearview mirror that dh tried to fix last night (it had fallen off) had fallen again.

Okay, done venting. I just hate feeling so irritated and stressed. I don't like being that person. Obviously I'm in serious need of writing out all my blessings because they are many and I know that very well. On the up side, dh picked up dd last night and was having a horrible afternoon because work had been busy and stressful and traffic had been a nightmare and they got home and she asked if she could have a Pepsi, he said sure and then she just came up to him and gave him a big hug and told him that he was a great dad and how much she loved him and was so glad to have him for a dad. He said that he just melted and all the sudden all the stress just drained out of him. And then of course was telling me how wonderful she is. Which of course makes me feel worse that I was such a cranky mommy but it was hearwarming to hear about that, especially since it was so spontaneous and I had no involvement. Here's hoping everyone else is having a better Wed. And I'll make sure I make that list for thankful Thurs ;). Just letting it out has helped so thanks if you made it through my tirade.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:57am
Thank god for this today! I've been waiting for this all week. I have been so blue, it's awful.

Ok let's start.

My best friends husband and friend of mine died last week and the funeral was monday, it was so sad and I just didn't know how to react. It was a massive of crying people everywhere and I just felt so guilty becuase I wanted to get out of their.

I am also really down about my life at the moment. Nothing seems to be happening and nothing seems to be right. Dating the wrong people ALL THE TIME (this week, it's a 27yr old and his porsche), but I'm not even interested, just wanting to have some fun for a change. Even tho that makes me just as unhappy. But I don'T feel like staying home all the time being a mom (see below)

I feel like I'm in a rut at my job even though I just got a great review and a raise and basically, I feel like I am hitting the mid life crisis.

Being a mom is really terrific and I love my kids, but for some reason, it's the last thing I want to do right now; is to be with them. They fight all the time the second I come home and I can't seem to get any real family quality time with them, without them screaming, fighting, hitting or me having to send them to their rooms. I try to get them both separate and doing stuff with them separately, but I always feel guilty. Nina (3) is so small and I can't seem to make her really understand, and Alex (11)is tired of always having to do what the little one wants or letting Nina pick on her, which isn't right. So before I get home from work, I try to run off for an hour by myself, drinking coffee or a beer with friends, just so I don't have to deal with the hectic so much. When I get home, it's always the same, my mother complaining, the kids complaining and I am feeling like the husband who is overwhelmed. REALLY GUILTY

Then! I still don't get child support from the fathers and it's breaking my back. I try and try but I don't see a penny and it's frustrating me so much. I have 3wks of holidays next week and I'm already broke. I was hoping to do something different then just the pool with the kids. Maybe go to a theme park, catch a few movies, etc., but I can barely afford an ice cream. I feel awful. I feel more guilty because in the back of my head, I think about sending them to their grandparents for a week so I can have some time to myself. Worse part, they want to spend it with me, but I don't want to spend 3 whole weeks with them. I can do the usual things, park, pool, sports, walks, blah blah blah, but I would like to DO SOMETHING. Really have a vacation! I've never had the money to have a REAL vacation with them. ARGH!

Worse of all, I just feel guilty, ashamed, because I have these awful thoughts and I feel like my life is just over and I'm ONLY 32. I have nothing, not even my own car (still paying it off). NO house, no man, no real family, no real job that I am happy with, living in europe and can't come home, because of my past cancer and because the kids don't want too.

UGH. Ok pity me, pity me, pity me.

I have a thousand things that I am thankful for. My kids, my health again, a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table. BUT Sometimes I just want to be pampered and have a bit of luxury.

WHEW! Glad I got that off my chest.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Love ya all,

Catherine

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:41pm

Hi there!