May I strangle XMIL??? PLEASE!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
May I strangle XMIL??? PLEASE!!!
11
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 2:21pm
This woman apparently hasn't a brain or she's abused it in her younger years leaving it limp and worthless. If this isn't the case, then she has absolutely no judgement skills and needs help acquiring them and soon!

Dylan is five and she takes him to see Catwoman. This movie is rated PG-13 and has violence and language completely inappropriate for a child his age. Plus does he really need to see Halle Berry skimping around in a tight catsuit? NOPE! I'm furious. I want to say something, but I'm trying to calm down. I would be calm by now if the previews we'ren't plastered all over TV right now. Plus D and I were eating lunch at Dairy Queen yesterday and Fox News was on and they were talking about the movie and the violent content and how several years back, this would have been rated R easily. So this put my emotions into overdrive.

I appreciate her trying to entertain my child, but she needs to realize that a PG-13 movie is no place for a five year old.....I don't care what it is.

How would you put it to her? She needs to know I'm not happy with her choice. And also that she neglected to clear it with me.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 2:28pm

Mel, I'm sorry, and you are right, that's not a movie for 5-year-olds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 3:08pm
Mel,

She probably didn't see it as an issue. You need to approach her calmly and tell her that you are not ready to let him see movies like that. Don't accuse her of anything, just voice your concern. Tell her that you appreciater her wanting to take him to a movie, but in the future to keep it to a G rated or PG rated one. If she is unsure about the movie she wants to bring him to, tell her to just call you first. That way you can decide. You know what is best for your child, right? You also know his temperment and what he can handle. You don't need to be dealing with nightmares because of the violence he saw in a movie. If you remain calm and tactful, she'll understand where you're coming from. It may not be a big deal for her, but remind her who this involves- it's not just about how YOU or HER feels- it's how your son can deal.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 3:15pm
Thanks, Maggie. I guess I never thought about how grandparents turn ignorant about childcare once they become grandparents. It's so weird. Why does this happen to some people? My XMIL is not the most respectful person on earth anyway. She tends to do whatever she pleases. She's never cleared it with me for a thing she's done with Dylan. And even did some things I told her not to. I almost feel like she needs to spend some more time away from him. It's not like she has rights or anything. The divorce papers say nothing about grandparents having rights. So if she isn't going to respect my boundaries, she can go without visits. Dylan's time will be filled with plenty of other responsible adults that will let him have fun on his age level.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 3:22pm
You may have to write a list of activities that you feel are age appropriate for her to do with your son. Tell her that if something isn't on the list, she should consult you before doing it. If she doens't follow the rules, you are right, you can stop her from seeing him. You have to look out for the well being of your son, and if she is too ignorant to see that, then you may have to change the visits. Or supervise them. Istead of allowing her to have him for the day, suggest she come along on an activity you are doing. Whether you get along with her or not, at least two things would be accomplished: 1)you would know what she's doing and 2)she gets to see her grandson.

I myself have had to put my foot down with both my mother and my exmil.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 3:32pm
Hey Mel,

I understand your frustration. She is totally out of whack to take him to that movie.

But I believe you have to assume dumb ignorance and good intentions all bottled into one incident as the others have stated. Wait until you calm down to talk to her and then set some guidelines - PG or G only for now. The good news is that he probably didn't notice much of the bad stuff and may have already seen worse on commercials.

I must admit, I did have a good laugh when I saw your topic title. I am sure everyone on here could cough up an XMIL horror story. It sure piqued my curiosity. (sorry - I hope this doesn't insult you!!)

The former parenting generations are not in tune to child rearing as we know it today. But they do have good intentions and they do add much value to a child's life. They are more patient and full of stories. So you have to see the good in what she brings to his life.

Just be gentle and set guidelines.

HUGS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 4:36pm
I can totally relate! I had to have a talk with my ex sister-in-law (who used to watch dd for me after school) about the movies she was watching at her house, when she came home one afternoon and told me she had watched 8 Mile with her cousins. 8 mile!! 8 MILE!!! She was barely 7 years old.

My ex sis-in-law is very liberal about the movies she lets her kids watch. And although I am somewhat also liberal about 'some' PG-13 movies, I am pretty strict on the R rated ones.

I basically had to let her know it was an issue with me, and I asked her to PLEASE show kid movies while Christy was there. The kids could watch those other movies when she was gone.

She totally understood and even apologized and said she would be more dilligent with the afternoon programming.

Be calm in your approach. She most likely didn't really get it and you just need to help her understand the boundaries.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:34pm
8 Mile??? OMG! I have that movie and Dylan wouldn't be near the house, much less in the room while it's on. Every other word is F this and F that. Plus the sexual content is totally inappropriate for children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:37pm
Not insulted at all. I don't think that you are making light of my situation. It's serious and I can see you believe that. But the title is kinda funny now that you mention it. I basically have wanted to strangle her since D came home Sunday announcing he saw the "cat lady" in a movie. I put two and two together and got four. I spoke to my XH and he agreed it was inappropriate, but refused to speak to his mother. It's his son too. I figured he might have the cajones to tell her how he felt, but he didn't. He's a wimp to the 10th power!

Anyway, I'm gonna talk to her. It's time she knows where the line is drawn and this is pretty much the limit here.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 6:33pm
Good. Tell us what happens!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:25pm
I couldn't reach her on the phone but I did just email her a friendly reminder. So we'll see how it goes.

Mel

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