I'm in love and I doubt he'll say it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
I'm in love and I doubt he'll say it
3
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:30pm
I've posted some about my boyfriend. He's not verbally affectionate. I have fallen in love with him and I'm afraid I'll blurt it out (esp. in the heat of passion). I've never had a hard time saying 'I love you' before to other people, but this time it's different. I almost kind of feel like I'm playing a game of chicken. Who's going to say it first. I don't want to be the first one and I bet he doesn't want to be the first one either.

Our relationship is funny. I think we both care about each other a lot, but are cautious too. If we stay together for a long time, I feel like this could be the best relationship I've ever had. I don't know why we both hang back so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 3:47pm

Hi fivesense, how long have you two been together so far?


I had that same struggle when dating my DH that you are having now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 3:07pm
Your story is very sweet. Thanks for sharing it. I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. I've heard that men view 'i love you' as serious commitment time. That's why I don't want to say it. I don't want to freak him out unnecessarily. I don't want to rush into anything or change our current situation. I know he's loyal to me and I'm not in any hurry to get married. He just makes me so happy that I know I'll blurt it out one day. I think he'd be like your guy was. Tender on the phone the next time we talked, but not address the declaration. I'll have to make myself wait for him to say it first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 3:40pm
The few times I've said it, I have been the first to say I love you. I don't feel bad about it. If I feel it and it scares the guy, then he's not right for me anyway.

With Trav I said it after we'd been seeing each other maybe 5 months. Under the circumstances, it was something I needed to say, for me. He was in a dangerous situation and I wanted to be clear with him how I felt. I wanted him to know that I loved him and wanted him to come BACK to me. AND, I needed to be able to let go and love him. It was part of my growing into the relationship. I was really kind of freaked out about how I felt about him and afraid to let myself love him. I didn't expect him to say it in return, and I still don't (that was 7 months ago). He is a caring person and treats me in a loving way. AND he sends beating heart icons and things like that. He's not ready to say it, and that is ok with me. If he were not good to me, I wouldn't love him.

My own personal opinion is that love isn't something to trade on, or hold back, or save up. If I love, I give it...period, and I don't expect anything in return. It would hurt me more to deny it than to just say it and experience it. I love Trav with all my heart and always will, hiding it would be...dishonest...to me and to him.